1524 – [New Update]: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist

[New Update]: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist
NEW UPDATE
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/NoFig9534

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH —-

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability & removed older relevant comments for space in this latest update

Trigger Warnings: job loss, mentions of depression, mental health struggles, possible mild verbal abuse

Mood Spoilers: positive

RECAP

Editor’s note: the body text for the original post has been saved before it was deleted

Original Post: October 11, 2025

Hey hey two hot takes fam! Long time listener, first time poster. I love this community and the advice is always stellar so I’m hoping yall will be able to help me.

My partner (m23) and I (nb25) are HUGE swifties. We own every vinyl, (almost) all of the cardigans, have her on almost all of our playlists (what can I say, she really does have a song to fit all my vibes), and I even went to the eras tour. Recently, my partners brother (m22) fell on hard times.

We moved away about 6 months ago and are renting a (very small) 2 bedroom house 12 hours away. About 4 months ago, my partners brother was kicked out of their family home by their mom (long story but she’s a real piece of work) and moved in with his partner. That.. didn’t work out so well either. It was a rural area, decently far from the family, and he wasn’t able to find a job after almost 2 months. He missed his car payments, lost his car, and then also got kicked out of there. We’ve all been friends for years so we offered him our extra room and to help him get off his feet a little bit. He’s been here for about 3 weeks now, has found decent employment, and has been a good help around the house. When he moved up here, we knew it would be a drain on our resources (he had $0 to his name) and a huge adjustment for us but didn’t anticipate any huge issues.

Now everything is coming to a head. With Taylor Swifts new album coming out, he’s really amped up his hatred for her. We can’t listen to her in the car, watch any interviews/tiktoks/etc in the living room containing her, play any of our vinyls, or talk about her (to each other) without him blowing up. I totally get she’s not for everyone and respect that! I have friends and family who don’t like her music at all and it doesn’t bother me.

But my brother in law HATES her, imo an unreasonable amount for a person you’ve never met. I feel like I’m not allowed to even exist in my own home without inciting an argument. On the rare occasion I do play a handful of Taylor Swift songs, he makes it a miserable experience between slamming doors, stomping around, and making nasty comments. He’s even interrupted my partners work (he works from home) to rant about her + send several (fake) news articles about her.

Most recently, tonight, my partner and I were cuddled up on the couch while eating dinner watching the tiktoks I’ve sent him and there were a few (3) containing her songs. His brother came down to grab food (we don’t always eat together), hung out for 5 minutes, heard 2 tiktoks with her music.. then got up, huffed and stomped, made a few comments I couldn’t catch under his breath, threw his dinner in the trash, and threw his utensils into the sink (loud enough to make me jump) and stormed upstairs. We’ve tried to talk to him about it and say that he doesn’t need to like her but he needs to respect that we do and learn to tolerate her music in the house.

We’re not asking for listening parties or anything crazy. We’ve been pretty mindful (more than I’m comfortable with) about playing her music or talking about her when he’s anywhere near. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say we’d like to be able to have a glass of wine and pop an album on once a week or something after a rough week (in our house, where he’s living rent free currently.. we pay for EVERYTHING including his weed).

I’ve even tried to liken it to HIS favorite artists, pointing out that until that exact moment he never even had an idea I can’t stand them either. I’ve let him play their music, talk about them relentlessly, watch interviews, whatever and have just kept my mouth shut because I don’t see the point in ruining his joy over 10 minutes of my unhappiness. It, obviously, didn’t change anything aka why I’m posting here. The constant negativity and shitting on something I enjoy has really been getting to me. I’ve noticed I’m increasingly more irritable and on edge, I don’t even want to be around him right now. I don’t know where to go from here or how to fix it! He’s only been here for 3 weeks and I’ve already had to tell my partner his brother may need to move out at this rate. Two hot takes fam… what do I do?

Update #1: October 12, 2025 (next day)

Update: My BIL just moved in and HATES my favorite artist

Hey, two hot takes fam! Thank you so much for your input on my last post. With the exception of a few people, the comments were really affirming and helped me to pull my head out of my ass, man up, and face the situation more directly.

I went ahead and deleted the post, just in case. As I caught a few people I know IRL peeping it (my fault for putting everyone onto the pod).

We waited until he was in a good mood, then my partner and I sat him down and laid everything out on the table. We told him that his reactions to our music made us feel like we were walking on eggshells and being held hostage in our own home. We told him we were starting to become resentful and considering drastic measures if things didn’t change.

We made it clear that we were happy to help him, to an extent (and clarified the extent), but only if he could remain respectful. We clearly set the expectation that, in this house (OUR house), we don’t throw things, slam things, yuck anyone’s yum, or yell.

We made sure to address it all delicately but firmly. We asked if he’d felt respected in the house + if there was anything deeper going on mentally. He let us know about some personal things he was struggling with and we worked together to make a game plan going forward. So to those of you who pointed out it was likely a lot of change at once & there was probably a deeper mental health issue occurring- thank you!

He recognized and acknowledged that his reactions were inappropriate, as well as unwarranted. He apologized for his responses + disrespect, thanked us for being willing to put so much effort into making him understand how his actions were affecting us, and how mindful we’ve been about playing her music (while admitting we’ve been, objectively, overly conscious).

He agreed that the frequency we were asking for wasn’t unreasonable (45 minutes a week after a rough day over dinner without him, talks in private conversations not including him, during activities not including him like watching tiktoks on the couch as he walks by, and a song here or there when running errands for several hours). He confirmed we weren’t listening too loudly, that he wasn’t able to hear it in his room or upstairs at all, and that we should be able to sparingly listen to her music in common spaces (as we allow him to do as well).

We came to the conclusion, together, that his frustration his been building since his feed has been full of her stuff recently with the recent album (the fact that this is likely due to his interactions with her hate videos is a discussion for another time, though we did bring this up at surface level) and he’s been taking that frustration out on us.

We collectively agreed that it’s just better for him to keep his mouth shut going forward. Ultimately, there’s nothing we could say (if we ever tried) to make him like her. And on the flip side, there’s nothing he can say to make us not like her. We know how he feels, he knows how we feel, and there’s no point in beating a dead horse.

So basically, he’s been overexposing HIMSELF. It was good to hear him come to the conclusion this whole situation was 99% his own fault and tell us that we weren’t doing anything wrong.

Honestly, neither of us were expecting the level of accountability he took.

All three of us have got headphones (we gave him a pair of earbuds about a week ago) and will continue to keep them in heavy rotation for longer listening sessions of music others don’t enjoy, as we have been doing, while doing chores or whatever around the house if we’re all out in common spaces.

We’re going to continue working on turning our garage into a hang out space for the boys. He’ll be paying an agreed upon amount (under market value) for rent/utilities/groceries once he receives his first paycheck and will be covering his own expenses (weed/vapes/gas,etc) as well.

I’ve agreed to teach him budgeting and basic finance management techniques to help him get on his feet faster and take the necessary steps towards independence.

I’m planning to surprise him with a few vinyls of his own, of his favorite artists, so that he feels we’re on more equal ground (not a complaint of his, just an idea my partner and I agreed on) for Christmas (though I’ll likely give them to him early). We already have a few vinyls of artists we all enjoy.

Our lease renews in April. Until then, we’ll be having biweekly sit downs to go over concerns and will reevaluate our living situation at lease renewal, if he’s still here then, if all goes well, sooner if things don’t improve.

The mood in the house is great now! I thought there might be some tension after the discussion but it went over very well.

We ended the discussion by saying that we all loved each other, only wanted the best for the household, and that everyone deserved to feel happy & safe in the home.

We’re all sitting down now, getting ready to eat dinner together and watch a movie. So I thought I’d update you guys while I wait for my pot roast to be done.

Thanks again, yall!

—-NEW UPDATE—-
Editor’s note: OOP made an appearance in the original BoRU and shared a new update

Update #2: November 20, 2025 (a bit over five weeks later)

Hey all! Just wanted to clarify a few things and it’s too much to comment so boom, third post.

Am I a crazy swiftie? I don’t think so but maybe? Definitely don’t have a parasocial relationship with the woman, I absolutely agree there’s a lot of die hard fans that go way too hard and think just because she’s this ultra famous pop star she can do no wrong.

I don’t agree with all of her actions/opinions/etc. She’s done a lot of fucked up shit that I don’t agree with, but I still like her music and the production that went in to the eras tour was awesome to see live. I also don’t like every album in its entirety, listening to a whole album straight through is pretty rare for me.

I also don’t own like a buttload of merch or anything, there’s a few of my cardigans that are admittedly knock offs. I LOVE a cardigan, not just hers- most of my fall/winter wardrobe consists of cardigans and plain tees. Besides the cardigans I have 2 hoodies and a tee shirt of hers + one of each vinyl (I didn’t know adding an S was a hot take, thanks guys! You learn something new everyday). I’m all for the people who got it like that, spend your money however you want but personally don’t have enough money to throw a ton of it at a billionaire for a $100 jacket or anything, even if I do like some of them.

Why I like her: To those guessing, yes- I did grow up with her! Debut dropped when I was like..6-7, I think? It was the first CD I ever owned and best believe I was jumping up and down in my PJs to it regularly before school. It’s something my mom and I have bonded over (she took me to the eras tour), my partner and I have bonded over (believe it or not he listens to her more than I do), and in general- I’ve had a pretty good experience with her fan base. So I guess there’s a nostalgia factor there but I also just.. like it. Couldn’t tell ya why, the same way I couldn’t explain why my favorite color is my favorite color. Some of it is too poppy for me, too dramatic, too focused on men, too repetitive. I fully admit not everyone song is worthy of the hype it receives (and debatably isn’t good) but it’s fun to listen.

Am I listening obsessively? I don’t want to play her music everyday or anything. But I did absolutely want to listen to and enjoy the new album without being made to feel bad. It was the first vinyl I was able to buy at release instead of collect later, there were a lot of tik tok trends that came with the drop that I thought were funny, and I enjoyed the build up with her appearing on Kelce’s pod.

The frequency my BIL had to endure: Over 3 weeks- 1 full listen through of the new album About 10 additional songs 5-6 tik toks shared (not to BIL) Roughly 3 15/20minute conversations (2 about the new album/pod/merch with my partner, 1 about the new album/reminiscing on the tour with my mom)

Amounting to: roughly 128 minutes total so about 6 minutes a day (assuming each song is 4 minutes, each TikTok is 30seconds, every conversation was a full 20 minutes + the 45 minute album) I’m not sure where everyone is getting that I want to talk about her 45 minutes a day.

The solution/responding to some opinions: Was my BIL playing me? Maybe. But he’s been great since so I’m optimistic.

Was I too tolerant? For sure. None of the shit that was happening in my house (door slamming, throwing stuff around, interrupting my partners work) should’ve been happening.

Was it dumb to make a post? Probably. To the people pointing out it’s free material for the pod: absolutely it is. That doesn’t bother me though. I don’t spend A TON of time on the internet so Im sure there was a better place to post but I hate the hard core comments I see on other subs + I like the pod.

Was he actually subjecting himself to her or was it our wifi? Could’ve been both! His Google searches were crazy. He totally went down the rabbit hole all on his own at least a decent amount of the time. I saw/heard a lot of conspiracy theories (did yall know she’s literally the devil reincarnated?). But I’ve also been victim to recommendations I’m not into that other people I live with are, so it’s a toss up and we’ll probably never know which possibility was having the highest impact.

Did I actually have people IRL reading the post? Yeah. Like I said, I’ve put pretty much everyone I talk to onto the pod. My friends and I regularly find the craziest stories we can on Reddit to share with each other, a lot of them originating from the pods sub. So of course, my post got sent to me a few times with a “this u?”

Was I a pushover? At first, yeah. The thought of losing a relationship that I’ve been building for so long with my BIL was terrifying to me. Before he’d moved in, he was my rock. He’s helped me pack and move twice, helped me get dressed during flair ups when I couldn’t myself, proof read every nervous text I’ve sent for years, backed me up when there was family drama (even when it cost him family), babysat my pets without complaint last minute when I’ve needed to travel. He’s always been there.

This behavior was completely out of character for him and a total shock to me. It wasn’t acceptable behavior in the slightest but I’ve never been in that position before and certainly not with him.

Am I helping too much? Who’s to say. As long as he’s treating me well, I’m happy to help. I don’t mind teaching financing or budgeting, I agree he should know those skills by now but I don’t fault him for not, I know the way that he grew up. If no one ever takes the time to show you a good example or explain.. how else do you learn? Too often people continue down a bad road, simply for lack of knowledge and because it’s what feels familiar to them.

People have lost the idea of community. You’ve gotta be there for people, yall. Putting people on their ass over dumb shit/drama (yes, I agree that’s what it is aka part of the reason I was so baffled and lost) is an awful go to. Not being willing to teach people skills they clearly don’t know, just because they SHOULD know, because it asks extra work of you isn’t how you show up for people you love. Keeping score all the time is how you destroy the possibility of a good thing. I’d rather be taken advantage of for my niceness 1,000x over than let the world turn me cold.

Should I have been fronting everything? No. But again, as long as he’s being respectful- I don’t mind. It’s a bit much and for sure a drain on my resources but I’d want someone to do the same for me. I could’ve only covered the bare minimum and put a roof over his head + food in his mouth, but what kind of life is that? I could die tomorrow and take nothing to the grave. I didn’t have to dip into my savings, the sacrifice was a handful of less date nights and excursions, “fun money” for less than 2 months. Not a big deal to me until you add in the other things that were going on.

Am I still covering things? No! He’s paid us rent, he’s covering his own extra wants, and has treated us to breakfast/coffee/dinner/weed since getting somewhat more back on his feet.

Are biweekly sit downs too much? Probably. I’m admittedly type A af. We’re not just bitching at eachother the whole time or anything though. We go over events happening soon (concerts, date night plans, new restaurants opening, seasonal markets), bills, groceries (planning meals we want to cook together, ingredients, household needs), how we want to decorate the house (for holidays and stuff), and anything else on our mind (sometimes that does mean we bitch at each other).

It’s just a safe place for us to sit down and talk. We all work conflicting schedules, have our own lives, and want to make sure we’re intentionally setting aside time to talk about whatever we need to.

Was listening to his feelings before setting down boundaries us pandering to him? I don’t think so. If it had been a pattern of his, maybe. Some people are just assholes. For him, it was relevant though. Knowing he was in a mental health crisis and scared to ask for help colors the situation. It doesn’t mean anything he was doing is okay or excusable, however- if we hadn’t known what was going on and gotten him help, we never would’ve been getting the full picture. His ‘why’ isn’t an excuse but it is an explanation.

Thank you all for your input! I’ve read some nice comments and mean comments. I’ve read A LOT of comments misgendering me (come on, guys). I’ve read helpful comments, not so helpful comments, comments that think I’m a bitch, and comments calling me an angel. All of it’s been helpful, even if it’s been hard to heard at times.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Dude is 22 years old and was literally acting worse than a 5 year old over music. The background of his emotional health that you didn’t know about him didn’t and doesn’t matter IMO, acting like a toddler for 3 weeks while living with you and making your home (and even your car rides with him) hostile was never okay but it’s good you addressed it finally. He needs therapy for sure, you’re good family to him (too good, I would’ve read anyone the riot act on this behavior way earlier) and hopefully he appreciates what you and your partner are doing for him and teaching him. Just don’t bite off more than you can chew, if you want a little more advice.

You also don’t owe overly long explanations to strangers on the internet btw, hope it works out for y’all

OOP: I agree he was acting like a 5 year old, it was honestly a little (more than a little) ridiculous. I’d like to agree with you that his background mental/emotional health doesn’t matter. But honestly, if I was in a crisis and genuinely believed a musician my family loved was the devil, I’m not sure how I would react. I’d like to say I would never behave in the way he behaved but your brain in a psychosis (or bordering psychosis) is a crazy thing. I appreciate the advice! I’m making sure I’m taking care of myself at the same time, holding firm to the boundaries I’ve laid down, and making sure not to overextend myself to help. I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation but I wanted to reply! Y’all have been so helpful and I truly appreciate the different perspectives I’ve gotten to read ❤️.

Commenter 2: Damn this was a whole dissertation but honestly respect for breaking it all down like that. The math on 6 minutes a day being too much Taylor Swift is sending me lmao. Glad your BIL got his shit together and you’re not bankrolling his whole existence anymore – sounds like you found a good balance between helping family and not being a doormat