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The will was clear. The response to it was not.
A brother dies after a long illness. His wishes are written down, formal, unambiguous. And yet, when the document is opened, it doesn’t settle anything. It unsettles the room.
Grief is present, but it moves unevenly. It mixes with memory, with years of financial support, with the quiet conviction that fairness should look different than what appears on the page. The partner stands legally centered and socially peripheral at the same time.
What follows is not simply disagreement over money. It is a struggle over who gets to shape a legacy once the person at the center is gone. Whether loyalty means honoring the document as written, or correcting it in the name of something older.
No one seems prepared for what happens when private certainty meets public consequence.
The conflict turns on a will that redistributes authority in a way the family did not expect. A long-term partner is named primary beneficiary. A sister is entrusted with executing those instructions. Instead of treating the document as final, the family treats it as flexible.
There is a meeting. Objections are raised. The executor is persuaded. The money is divided among relatives. Funeral and medical expenses are paid from the estate. The partner, initially outside the process, later secures a copy of the will and recognizes the discrepancy.
Legal action follows.
At that point, the tone shifts. What had been framed internally as correction becomes externally visible as defiance. The focus moves from what felt fair to what is enforceable. From private agreement to public exposure.
A second relative, removed from the decision but connected by blood, tries to reconcile loyalty with unease. The fracture widens beyond the original actors.
Grief recedes. Consequence advances. Not everything fits neatly back together.
Text Version
(MA) late brother’s partner suing family for Money
INCONCLUSIVE
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throawaylatechild
(MA) late brother’s partner suing family for Money
Originally posted to r/legaladvice
TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, theft, loss of a loved one, mentions death threats
MOOD SPOILER: Outrageous
Original Post Aug 7, 2018
Our brother age 34M died of cancer 9 months ago. He was very successful and left behind money and assets. He also had a Will. My brother was also in a gay relationship for 8 years with a 28M partner. Our family is religious and yes we may not have approved the relationship we still loved our brother. He unfortunately died of cancer and left a will. Left most of the money to his gay partner. They weren’t even married. We decided money to be kept within the family and but gave his partner some money. We also paid for brothers funeral and medical Bill’s. We thought that was the end of it. But now his ex partner is suing us for the rest of the funds. I don’t know how he got hold of the will. My family is still grieving and now this man wants to take us to court. Trying to see how to solve this without involving the court. Thank you for your advice
ADDITIONAL INFO/COMMENTS FROM OOP
[deleted]
How did you even get access to the estate? Was one of you the executor?
OOP
Yes my little sister who he trusted the most was. Since assets and business were mostly through the family he left most to us. He however left his partner his condo cars and 85% of the money. Which we thought was not fair
~
Commenter
Who cares if they weren’t married? His will directed his estate to a person who isn’t you. Why did you think it was a good idea for you to not honor it? And how were you able to access the funds that were left behind?
It’s possible that you and your family have significant civil and maybe criminal liability here. You all need to consult with a probate attorney.
OOP
My sister was in charge of the will, according to his partner he did not want to be in charge because ‘ he didn’t want to deal with us’ ‘he hates us’ so my sister who was best friends with my brother acted as the middle ground for us and his partner. We were shocked when we read the will. We didn’t expect it to be that unfair. I am trying to make it right
Commenter 2
That’s generally the response to halfwits who rob you, yes.
You make this right by giving him everything he’s owed according to the will and asking him very, very nicely not to sue you or file a police report.
OOP
You are right. And this is what am trying to do. Most of the family previously sent his insulting messages throughout his relationship with my brother. Trying to make it right and hopefully we don’t go to court.
~
Commenter
If he’s suing you, then the court is already involved.
Edit: just to be clear: you disregarded his will? If so you deserve to be sued
Commenter 2
So, things you can worry about:
To be sued for the value of everything that was detailed to him in the will. You will almost certainly lose.
Punitive damages. Don’t be surprised if they go for triple.
You’ll be on the hook for attorney’s fees.
If the value was >$1200, then the sister could, in theory, be charged with felony theft/conversion and/or contempt of the probate court. That would also come with fees and possible jail time.
The real question is who the court will force to repay the money. The person with the most exposure is the sister, as the executor. She’s looking at a complete and total wipeout, and she cannot discharge that debt in bankruptcy. She can expect wages to be garnished, tax refunds and lottery winnings to be garnished, her credit to be trashed, and if she is charged with anything, severely limited future employment prospects.
OOP
OMG, we didn’t know it could be this serious. It is all my fault, I convinced my sister to do what the family wanted. We didn’t know and are shocked that his boyfriend would sue us. I am going to have a family meeting with friends and try to come up with as much money as I can. Omg am very nervous and didn’t realize how horrible this could get. Thank you for the advice.
~
Commenter
Uh, you stole his money that was left to him. You had no right to override your brother’s will, and you had no right to use any of that money on a funeral unless it was stated in the will.
The judge is going to throw the book at you people and I’ll be scanning the MA news just to enjoy reading about the verdict.
OOP
We are trying to make it right. Most of his money he made we helped support him with his business. My parents raised him and paid for his school, dont they deserve that money more than his so called friend? They weren’t even married let alone engaged.
~
Commenter
What’s fair is honoring your late brother’s wishes. Better start fundraising the funds back because there’s not a “we didn’t approve of his will and decided family should have it instead” probate option.
OOP
Wish it was simple for me to cut him a check. Funds are around 850K. I am reading the replies and this seems more serious than we thought.
Commenter
Wait, you guys still almost a million dollars without consulting a legal professional, and now you’re posting on Reddit like this is going to small claims court?
Clearly all the brains in your family died with your brother.
I don’t think you’re really grasping the enormity of the crime you’ve admitted to on here. But I can’t wait to see this in the papers, this is gonna be good. Not for you though.
Why they thought they were entitled to the money
Yeah you are mostly right, but we had no issue with him getting inheritance, we just didn’t think he deserved all the money he got. Especially because we paid for most of the things connected to my brother..
And what happened to the money?
OOP
We are a big family, most of the money was distributed throughout family members which we thought was only fair. We cant pay the full amount because the money is mostly gone
Update 1/Same Post – Same day
Update: thank you all for the advice and yes I am very stupid for not realizing how serious this was from the beginning. I am having a family meeting and we will figure out a way to up with money so my we dont make things worse with the law. My brother left us some properties so I will make sure to do the right thing and pay his partner. Meeting with a lawyer soon so I can do this the right way. God bless you all
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Commenter
It doesn’t matter what you all though was fair. Your brother had a will for a reason. He will win the case and your family will have to pay him back what he is due. You will also be paying his attorney fees and any other associated costs. You all did a super shitty thing and he is 100% in the right to sue you.
OOP
I am trying to see how I can approach him and his lawyers to set up a plan. He is very angry at us. My father said some negative minor racial massages and am trying to see how I can work with him without making things worse.
OOP Updated the next day when this was crossposted to r/bestoflegaladvice – Update 2 – Aug 8, 2018 (Next Day)
Update 2
Original OP here: I dont know why my post was locked but someone messaged me to come here. I am replying here because am getting death threats. Reflecting I see where my family went wrong. I had a family meeting and we are rounding up and putting together everything we have to pay my brothers friend back all the money he was left. We made a terrible mistake and are trying to fix it. And please, we may not all have supported his relationship but we loved him and are not homophobic like everyone is writing. I take full responsibility because I am the one who convinced my little sister to listen to the family, but I now realize i was wrong.
A 2nd post from another relative was found
[MA] Extended Family ignored Cousin’s will, and stole his spouse’s inheritance. How can I help make this right? Sept 8, 2018
Copy of the Post
Ok, this might be a bit unusual, given the type of advice I’m seeking, but I want to know my options here. My cousin recently contacted me and told me she was in some legal trouble. She was asked to execute her late brothers will (finally lost a pretty rough battle with cancer), and in the will it gave a not insignificant sum to his spouse – nearly a million dollars, as I understand it. Should be a relatively simple request.
Well, unfortunately, a lot of my mother’s side of the family is very VERY conservative, and my late cousin was gay, which, of course, means that his spouse was another man. While this shouldn’t be a factor in this, she was coerced by her immediate family to do something that seems very, very dumb to me – instead of honoring the will, she decided to spread the money across the family because they “needed it more”, and “we can’t just reward a homosexual for his sin”.
There were several consequences of this – first, my late cousin’s spouse got a copy of the will, as it was very strange that he was left nothing (again, he had a rough fight with cancer, plenty of time to put his spouse into his will), and found out he had been shorted about $1M. Then, when he asked the family, and found out the money had been spent, he sued the family, and is looking at pressing criminal charges.
My cousin called me Monday about it, and told me the story. She’s scared, and doesn’t know what to do, and she said they were trying use the first amendment to justify this so they don’t have to pay, but it didn’t look like that was going to work. She then asked if I could help (idk how, I’m a software dev), as it looked like he was going to win when it went to court, and asked what they should do. At first I asked if they could give the money back, but it had been effectively spent, and even then, they felt they had just cause to disobey the will.
Thing is, the family doesn’t remorseful about stealing the money – they are sorry they got caught. I don’t share their sentiments, and I believe what they have done is very wrong. While I don’t know his spouse as well as I’d like, he seems like a nice guy, and I want to make sure he gets what he deserves. I didn’t voice that to my cousin though, since she called me to get advice like she did in high school, so instead I told my cousin to get a lawyer (which they have), and maybe his spouse would settle. But in truth, I want justice to be done properly for him.
It was a lot to take in, but I’ve thought about it, and I want to do my part to make sure my cousin’s spouse get’s what is his. Thing is, I don’t know what to do. I’ve called him this morning to express my condolences, and show my support, which he appreciated (I wasn’t involved in this fiasco). But neither of us know if there is any way I can legally help him, other than maybe testifying on character of the family if asked.
I want to ask if there is any other things I can do to help. I’ve thought about helping him pay for his lawyer, but I don’t want to cause a conflict of interests or anything. I would like to call my cousin and go over the details in her words again but record the call this time, but I don’t know of that’s legal or even helpful. And other than that, idk what to do – I live out of state, so it’s hard to figure things out. I’m also no expert, just a software dev.
If anyone has suggestions on how I can go forward properly, and legally, while still helping to do the right thing, I would appreciate it. I’ve never done this before, so any guidance at all would be appreciated.
Edit: It has come to my attention that my cousin may have made a thread of her own seeking advice on this. I still want advice, but to be safe, I will be deleting this at lunch. Hopefully she doesn’t stumble across it before then and I can get a few opinions that will help guide my next steps. I would hate to learn she frequents this sub.
Edit 2: Some people seem to be a bit confused here, thinking I’m defending or going easy on my cousin with this. Maybe I am a bit, but I full well acknowledge this is theft, and a huge theft at that. I love her, but I want her and her family to learn a lesson from this about respecting the law, as well as about being decent people. Anything that can be done to help my late cousin’s husband is what I’m looking for, not ways to ninja my cousin out of this.
Edit 3: A few people have also mentioned that the “respect the law” line is a bit ignorant. I’m leaving it up for context, but I recognize it is a bit callous at least, dangerous at worst. I more mean that I hope the law does what it’s supposed to, and has justice done. By extension, I hope that the law teaches them that this kind of thing is not ok, and they change the way they treat others as a result.
Source
At first, it reads like a dispute about money. The deeper strain begins earlier, in the moment the will is read and quietly set aside.
A sister is named executor. The family gathers. The document states that the partner receives the majority of the estate. Someone says it isn’t fair. The funds are distributed anyway. Checks are written. Accounts are transferred.
No one pauses the process.
Escalation follows in stages. The partner obtains the will. He notices what is missing. He asks for clarification. A lawsuit is filed. Lawyers become involved. Criminal exposure is mentioned. Assets are traced. The atmosphere tightens.
Inside the family, the tone changes from certainty to urgency.
The earlier confidence rested on a hierarchy the family believed was obvious. They had financed education, supported business ventures, remained present across decades. In that logic, proximity translated into priority. The will disrupted that order. Honoring it would have required accepting that an intimate relationship outside the family carried decisive weight.
For the partner, the document functioned differently. After years in a relationship that had not been fully embraced, it was recognition made concrete. When the instructions were overridden, the injury was not abstract. It was measurable.
Then the law enters plainly. Deadlines. Exposure. Liability. The possibility of personal consequence. Meetings are called. Funds are gathered back where possible. Apologies begin to surface, though their origin remains unclear.
Remorse and fear can occupy the same space.
By the end, restitution is attempted. Whether that effort reflects a shift in understanding or a recalibration under pressure is left hanging. The repayment addresses the amount owed. It does not settle who believed they had the authority to decide in the first place.
