1509 – I [30F] just learned my husband [31M] has feelings for my SIL [29F] and hates my brother [32M]
Featured on @StorylineReddit: November 4, 2025
It starts in a living room with birthday drinks and the easy shorthand of people who have known each other for years. Nothing dramatic at first. Just a gathering. Then a comment lands wrong. A hand doesn’t quite withdraw. Someone says stop, and then says it again.
The rupture here is not only romantic. It’s spatial. A shared family setting turns charged, and once that shift happens, it doesn’t fully reverse. Attraction might be private; this was not. It unfolded in front of witnesses, in front of a spouse, in front of a brother.
The deeper shock arrives later, when the explanation follows. What looked like a marriage built on mutual choice begins to feel… rearranged. Not loud, not theatrical. Just altered. And once that suspicion enters the frame, it sits there.
This is not simply about a drunken mistake. It’s about what becomes visible when inhibition drops and whether what surfaces can be folded back into ordinary life.
A long-term marriage destabilizes during what should have been a routine family celebration. A husband crosses a line with his sister-in-law in full view of everyone present. The behavior escalates quickly, and the following day he confirms that the feelings behind it were not momentary.
From there, the conflict widens. The sister-in-law feels unsafe. The brother responds by limiting access. The wife finds herself navigating two overlapping crises: the integrity of her marriage and her place within her family. What initially appears to be misconduct under the influence becomes something more structural once he admits that his attachment may have predated and partially motivated the marriage itself.
That admission reframes the timeline. It also shifts the power dynamic. The question is no longer whether apologies are sincere. It is whether the foundation was ever what it seemed.
Family boundaries tighten. Trust becomes conditional. The wife’s decision forms inside that narrowing space.
I [30F] just learned my husband [31M] has feelings for my SIL [29F] and hates my brother [32M]. REPOST I am not The OOP, OOP is u/pixiemixi
I [30F] just learned my husband [31M] has feelings for my SIL [29F] and hates my brother [32M].
BoRU 1 Posted by u/ladyboner_22
TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault, infidelity, obsessive behavior
MOOD SPOILER: Scary
Original post Apr 23, 2016
Hi, Reddit. Sorry if this ends up being a clusterfuck. I really need some advice. Throwaway account and names changed just in case.
My SIL: Kate
My brother/Kate’s husband: Charlie
My husband: Jack
I’ve been married to Jack for 4 years and we’ve been together since HS. Our marriage is pretty great.. we have our ups and downs, but we’re usually able to work through it and talk about our feelings like adults. We were just starting to discuss having children before this came up.. now things are a mess and I don’t know what to do.
Charlie and Kate have been married for 5 years and have also been together since HS. My brother and I have been extremely close since we were kids. He’s always there for me and I love him with all my heart. Kate is a wonderful person and is one of my best friends. She’s my family now, too, and I love her to death. She’s sweet, funny, and a great friend.
Charlie and Kate have a great marriage.. honestly even better than my own. They’re a real team, they’re always there for each other, and you can tell that they really love each other. From what I know, they’re currently trying to conceive. I’m so excited to be an aunt.
We’ve all gotten along until now. This is the first time anything like this has happened.
About two weeks ago, Charlie invited us over to have a few drinks and hang out at their place to celebrate Kate’s birthday. It was going okay at first, we talked about having kids and our jobs and generally caught up. Jack ended up drinking way too much. He started flirting with Kate and she was obviously uncomfortable.. told Jack to stop it multiple times and tried to stay away from him. Charlie started getting irritated (rightly so, Jack was flirting with his wife and being a drunken idiot) and told Jack to stop (again, multiple times). I also tried to get Jack to knock it off and shut up, but he wouldn’t, and I was honestly pissed off too.
Jack got pissed when Charlie tried to intervene. He told Charlie how much he hated him and wished he was dead, then went on to confess how much he loves Kate and wishes he would’ve ended up with her. Jack decided to try to kiss/touch Kate, she freaked out, and Charlie was done. He told us both to get the fuck out. I dragged Jack out of there and I was just shocked and disgusted at his behavior.
The next day, Jack told me that he did have feelings for Kate and was resentful of Charlie because of it. He told me that he loved me and would never cheat on me, he was drunk and what he did was a mistake. He apologized over and over again for his behavior, promised me he loved me and wanted to be with me, etc. He apologized to Charlie and Kate for what happened, but they aren’t happy. I’m still not sure how to feel.. his behavior was awful, inappropriate, and borderline assault. It also makes me feel shitty that he hates my brother.
I talked to Charlie the other day. He told me that he isn’t comfortable having Jack around anymore, especially around Kate. Apparently, she’s pretty shaken up by what happened (the unwanted touching/attempted kiss/love confession), and incredibly uncomfortable around Jack. I understand completely, but now I’m stuck.
I’m just angry, upset, and unsure of what to do now. I don’t want my relationship with my brother and SIL to be ruined because Jack was an asshole. I don’t know what to do about Jack’s confession.. it honestly makes me feel sick to my stomach. It all came out of nowhere, everything was great before this, we were all friends.
Now my husband apparently loves another woman and wishes my brother was dead. I want to salvage this because I do love Jack, I really do, but I have no idea where to start. I want to be a part of my future niece’s/nephew’s life, I want to be able to be around my brother and SIL because they’re wonderful people and I love them so much. It’s all crashing down and I don’t know how to handle it.
Is there a way to work through this? What should I do? Can I salvage this? Perspective/advice/opinions?
TL;DR: Husband drunkenly confessed that loves my SIL and hates my brother, now my SIL and brother want nothing to do with him. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
You really want to stay with a man who tried to force himself intimately on your brother’s wife, told her in front of you and her husband that he’s in love with her and wishes he wasn’t with you, and told your brother he wants him dead ?
Come on OP. Have some self respect.
dangol
I also wonder how much further he would’ve pushed himself on to SIL had OP and brother not been there. Scary thought.
~
omg_a_midget
You get divorced. He admitted while sober that he was in love with her.
Update Apr 25, 2016
Hi, relationships. I know this update is coming fast, but I’ve made my decision and I thought you’d all like to know. A lot has happened in the past day, but in the end, I think I’m making the right choice. Tbh I think I knew this is what I had to do all along, but I was in denial.
I want to start off by thanking everyone for their advice, kind words, and even tough love. I have decided to end our marriage and get a divorce ASAP. It’s heartbreaking and painful for me to do this, but honestly, I don’t think I could live with knowing my husband loves another woman and assaulted her in front of me. The fact that this is my SIL makes it even worse. I don’t think we can come back from this and I would always feel like I wasn’t his first choice.. plus, he touched and kissed Kate without her consent, which is an awful thing to do by itself.
I sat down and really, really thought about what happened and how it made me feel. It made me feel disgusted, hurt, and angry. It made me feel like an idiot. It broke my heart. I couldn’t believe the man I loved, the man I have been with for almost a decade of my life, would betray me and hurt me like this. It almost doesn’t feel real. To think we were going to have kids, to think I trusted him and gave him all the love I could. It fucking hurts.
A lot of you suggested that maybe he married me so he could be close to Kate. We sat down last night, I showed him your comments, and he broke down. He admitted to me that yes, he did marry me to be closer to her. It’s always been her. From day one of our relationship, it’s been a ploy to stay close to Kate. Not only is this devastating to me, but it’s extremely creepy and I feel bad that Kate ever had to be around Jack. His intentions were almost predatory.. who knows what he would have done to Kate if her husband and I hadn’t been there to intervene. I honestly think he would have done some truly horrible things to her, given the chance.
He begged me to stay. He promised he loved me, he could get over Kate, he wanted me. I was his soulmate. We were meant to be together. He would go to therapy to work on his issues and we would be okay. He was sobbing and begging and trying to convince me to stay. I wasn’t hearing it. I’m done. He’s a liar.. he’s been lying to me for years. He’s creepy, horrible, and I can’t live with him knowing what he did and how he truly feels.
I called Charlie to talk to him about everything.. like always, he’s here for me. He’s incredibly pissed at Jack because of what Jack did to Kate. Kate is still shaken up and upset; she feels violated and her trust in Jack, someone she considered her friend for years, has been destroyed. Charlie told me that if I had chosen to stay with Jack, it was very likely our relationship would have died right then and there. Charlie told me he refused to talk to anybody who believed what Jack did to Kate (assaulted her) was okay or forgivable.. even if that somebody was me. He also thinks what Jack did to me for all these years is beyond cruel and he’s angry about that, too.
I still have to contact a lawyer and get things in order. It’s only been a day since I’ve made my decision.. but you were all so, so helpful to me. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am for your comments.
In the end, my brother and SIL are the people that matter most to me. They’re my real family, the people who love me, and they’re here to support me through this decision. I’m young, there’s still hope for me to find someone who sincerely loves me, there’s still hope of starting a family, there’s still time left for all of that. I’d rather take my chances of finding someone new than staying with Jack.
Thank you, again, for everything.
EDIT/UPDATE #2: Thanks for the condolences and kind words! It really means a lot to me. To address some concerns:
I will be extra careful and keep an eye out for anything Jack tries to do. Like many of you said, his obsession is unraveling, so he might do something drastic. I’m going to contact my lawyer ASAP to start seeing what I can do, change all of my passwords, get my bank accounts in order, etc. I have also removed any information of my future whereabouts and plans as some of you suggested.
I’m going to book an appointment with a therapist. I feel like it would benefit me and help me work through this whole thing.
Kate doesn’t want to talk to/interact with Jack, but she is thinking about getting a restraining order. Understandably, she doesn’t feel safe around Jack at all and would rather have nothing to do with him. She’s also going to be extra careful, since she’s the person of Jack’s obsession and he’ll probably try contacting her/doing something crazy. Charlie is there to protect her (he’s a former Marine, 6’3″ and pretty dang intimidating), so I’m sure they’ll both be okay. We’re all here for each other.
Some people don’t believe this is real because of my timeline (I said we’ve been together since HS in the last post, but then said “almost a decade” in this post). This was a mistake, I meant to type “over a decade.” I can’t prove the validity of my story, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. I don’t really feel the need to explain myself here. You either believe me or you don’t. It’s a bizarre situation. I can’t explain Jack’s behavior any better than you can.
On the bright side, Charlie and Kate are still trying for a baby, so there’s a pretty good chance I’ll be an aunt in the near future. There’s still hope for me to find “The One.” In the meantime, I’m going to focus on me, and moving on from this whole thing.
Thanks for the concern and encouragement! 🙂
TL;DR: Getting a divorce. Sad, scared, but hopeful. Thank you, Reddit.
There is a point before the confession, before the aftermath, when the night is still technically a party. She tells him to stop. He doesn’t. The brother steps between them. The wife grips his sleeve and says his name. He keeps talking.
Flirting tilts into declaration. Declaration tilts into contact. Contact triggers intervention. The sequence doesn’t need interpretation to register; it has its own momentum. He says he hates his brother. He says he loves the wrong person. The room shifts from awkward to alert.
The next day brings clarity, but not relief. When he admits that proximity may have shaped his choice of partner from the beginning, something quiet breaks. The past reorganizes. Memories don’t disappear; they simply look different under this light.
From his side, there is urgency. Promises. Therapy. Soulmate language. He weeps and insists the feelings can be managed, redirected, overcome. The intensity of his plea grows as the credibility of it thins. He wants the story restored. He wants access restored.
From hers, the damage moves inward. It is not only that he reached for someone else. It is the realization that she may have been adjacent to the real object of his desire all along. That idea sits there without needing decoration.
And then an abrupt line: her brother makes it clear that remaining with him would cost her that relationship. No theatrics. Just a boundary. After that, the conversation turns practical lawyers, passwords, distance. The scale narrows.
The choice to leave is decisive, almost stark. Still, the residue remains. A family gathering that won’t feel neutral again. A marriage that now reads differently in hindsight. And the unsettled question of how long a hidden intention can live inside a relationship before it begins shaping everything around it.
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