1603 – AITH for walking out on a dinner with my husband’s sister and her boyfriend

AITH for walking out on a dinner with my husband’s sister and her boyfriend
ONGOING
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Whoamiwhatisthis-

Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/AITH

AITH for walking out on a dinner with my husband’s sister and her boyfriend

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s note: changed letters to names for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse, manipulation, bullying, gaslighting

Mood Spoilers: infuriating, frustrating

Original Post: October 25, 2025

So my (34F) husband (32M) is the youngest in his family. We’ve been married for a little less than a year now but I noticed his eldest sister (37F) is super difficult and controlling.

My husband has warned me about her (let’s call her Hailey) ever since we met, and he was even super nervous before he introduced me to her. I made sure to be super nice and courteous, and we hit it off, specially that we realized we know a lot of the same people from our similar field of work.

Overtime, I noticed Hailey’s toxic behavior with her siblings, specially with my husband since he’s extremely peaceful and non-confrontational. She would disrespect him a lot, give unsolicited commands, she even keeps commenting about how much attention he gives me and how she thinks we’re “super codependent” and that he needs to give me less attention lol. We are not codependent at all we just really enjoy hanging out with each other and prefer doing things together.

Yesterday Hailey and her boyfriend were visiting (she lives in another country) and she wanted us all to meet him for the first time. My husband was with them by himself for an hour or so, and while his brother, his wife and I were on the way to meet them, my husband kept texting me saying he felt like a third wheel and they weren’t really involving him in the conversation. We finally get there and we meet them and we are deciding where to have dinner. We quickly noticed how chaotic Hailey was acting, ordering us around to call restaurants and check for bookings, to go this way or that way, to hurry up because it was late and we needed to eat.

My husband, Hailey and boyfriend and I were sharing a car and my husband was driving to the restaurant. We were chatting and it was normal, until Hailey decided to make fun of my husband and his slow driving and kept being super annoying to hurry up and drive faster. She even kept interrupting her boyfriend when he was telling stories to tell my husband to hurry up. Then when the brother and his wife called to say they arrived, and we still had 15 mins to get there, Hailey went full blown bully. Kept disrespecting my husband in front of the boyfriend and my husband was trying his best to bite his tongue. It was so obvious that we all got so uncomfortable, specially the boyfriend who kept saying “it’s ok guys that we’re taking longer we’re enjoying the conversation”.

The last straw for me was when we got to the area and it was so crowded and my husband was trying to make a U-turn to get to the restaurant, and Hailey told him to stop here so she and her boyfriend can get out and walk to the restaurant before we can go and find parking, and my husband couldn’t stop because there were cars moving all around. She threw a tantrum and kept berating my husband for not being able to stop on the spot when she wanted him to. It ruined the whole mood. Eventually my husband stopped a little further down the road and they stepped out.

I was so upset and almost tearful walking into the restaurent and my husband kept calming me down saying it doesn’t matter and he doesn’t care what she says. I told him she ruined our mood by being disrespectful and I’m not going to mask being happy so she can have a fun night. We sit at the table and we were obviously in a bad mood, and Hailey turns to my husband and says “are you guys ok?” And he says yes we’re just tired and hungry. She noticed how I’m not engaging in the conversation at all and she turns to my husband again and says “if you guys don’t want to be here no one is forcing you you can leave we came here to have a good time”. I turn to her and say “what did you say to my husband?” She says “I was telling him how if you guys don’t want to be here I don’t want to force you you can leave” and I say “personally, yes I don’t want to be here and I will leave”. My husband then says to the group “ok guys we’re heading out, enjoy the rest of the dinner, it was a pleasure meeting you, boyfriend” and we walk out.

My husband agrees with me that she was out of line, but he hates being in any kind of conflict and is stressed out about the situation. I feel like setting boundaries is very important even if it means having to be in a fight or whatever. Was I the asshole for instigating walking out and causing a rift between my husband and his sister, and making her look bad in front of her boyfriend?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. She disrespected your husband repeatedly, in public, in front of her boyfriend, and expected you both to just sit there and take it. You didn’t ruin dinner her attitude did. Good for you for standing up for your husband when he wouldn’t defend himself. Hopefully this makes her realize she can’t keep disrespecting him without consequences.

OOP: Yeah, I wish I did more tbh, from when the whole car thing was happening. But anyways I told my husband he needs to talk to her about how she treats him and tell her that this time if she does it again he will be removing himself from the situation instead of just taking it.

Commenter 2: She was testing her brother’s boundaries in front of her boyfriend to show dominance. You called her bluff. Now, her boyfriend knows exactly what she’s like, and your husband knows what it feels like to be defended. Win-win

OOP: Funny thing is, literally the same day over lunch she was talking about how she hates toxic masculinity and how she had to adopt aggressive tactics at work so that people can take her seriously, and that’s why she’s not married still because men don’t like tough women. Who’s gonna tell her…

Commenter 3: I feel also bad for the boyfriend what he see in her….. Also you guys need to cut her out of your life ..she is a crazy bitch…who thinks world move around her…..

Just don’t become her doormat and tell her who is boss in this city …..you are not her servants ……you have your own life…. And tell your husband to spineup it is time to standup for himself and for both of us….his respect is your respect tell him you didn’t want anything to do with his sister who didn’t respect other people wishes….

OOP: My husband will never agree to cutting out his own family. My husband is a very peaceful human being, so he literally is prioritizing keeping a relationship with his sister over respecting his own boundaries. I’m trying to navigate this without crossing any lines.

Commenter 4: I would suggest that the two of. you have some sessions with a family therapist to discuss this issue, the sister especially but also his peacefulness versus your assertiveness.

And develop tactics to use in the moment.

I think what your husband should have done is stopped the car after the second time she tried to tell him how to drive and say to her, “You need to be quiet while I’m driving, or else you can walk or take a cab. You are distracting and rude, and you are NOT the driver.” And then wait.

But he’s going to need to learn how to do that.

You also could have spoken up in the car and said, “This bombardment or orders is distracting, you are not the driver. And I am tired of hearing it. Please be quiet; husband knows how to drive and will get us there safely and without traffic tickets.”

OOP: Honestly that’s what I told my husband we are going to do going forward. I told him that I won’t tolerate her disrespect to you and if she continues we will remove ourselves from the situation until she learns how to be respectful.

I really wish I would have spoken up in the car, it was just such a tricky situation with me being new to the family and her boyfriend being there. Yeah I agree he really does need to learn how to put a hard stop to her bullying, and I’ll bring up the therapist with him. Thank you.

Commenter 5: Why would either of you tolerate her behavior and bullying? The moment she got in his car and started being rude, why didn’t he pull over and tell her to stop being disrespectful or she can get out and walk?

OOP: They all value “family” way more than they should, especially my husband. And to him, he has tried talking to her many times about the way she treats him and she never changes, they even stopped talking for a whole year because of it. Eventually he started to just ignore it and let it slide and not cause any issues, because he values his family over his own boundaries being respected. To me I’m new to the family so I’m trying my best to handle these situations without crossing any lines.

Update #1: October 31, 2025 (six days later)

Update: AITH for walking out on a dinner with my husband’s sister and boyfriend

So around a week ago I posted here about my (34F) husband’s (32M) sister “Hailey” (36F). I wanted to get an outside perspective on her behavior and if I’m valid for walking out on a dinner where she was introducing her new boyfriend to us because she was being extremely rude to my husband and I.

Here’s the link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/gN9mLQdqls

Everyone told me that I had the right to walk out and she was being extremely rude, which made me feel sane because sometimes I feel like I’m crazy with my reactions to very obvious instances of disrespect that the whole family seems to brush off. Anyways so after the incident, I talked to my husband and told him that I will not tolerate disrespect from Hailey and what she did was extremely out of line. I also told him that it is extremely upsetting when she disrespects him, and while I understand his stance on being the bigger person, a line needs to be drawn with her. He agreed and said he will talk to her.

Next day they had a day planned with the boyfriend, which I thankfully apologized from before this whole thing happened. My husband’s brother “J” called him before the outing and we all discussed what happened. J tried to explain how Hailey doesn’t have bad intentions etc and I told him that I never said Hailey was malicious, I just think as adults when someone is disrespectful the bare minimum is to acknowledge and apologize. After a long back and forth, they agreed that J will ask Hailey to have a conversation about what happened with J present before going to their thing, and I told them I don’t think I should be part of this conversation since I’m not part of the family and I personally wouldn’t want to initiate the conversation with her.

When I saw my husband after, he told me the conversation went very well and that she was super receptive and empathetic. She apologized to my husband, and she told him she was very worried that I judged her negatively based on this incident. My husband told her that you can talk to her about it, she is a very understanding and empathetic person and will hear you out. I was happy for my husband, but very skeptical. Honestly speaking, and knowing how narcissists think, she only apologized to my husband and acted understanding because she didn’t want me to judge her further. Anyways I told my husband of course she can talk to me anytime.

I waited, and waited, and she never reached out lol. My husband hinted at me initiating, and I freaked out on him, telling him in what world does it make sense for me to initiate this talk. If she has a pride problem then it’s her problem.

Fast forward to yesterday, which was her last day, after a long day at work where I finished at 7:30 pm, my husband tells me they are having a family dinner at their parents at 8 pm to say goodbye to Hailey. I told him that I don’t have the mental capacity for that right now, specially knowing that there might be and back and forth with Hailey, and specially not knowing how she plans to bring it up or decides to deal with it considering her pride issue. I texted in the family group that I apologize for not being able to make it today and wished Hailey safe travels.

My husband goes without me, and apparently Hailey brings up the fact that I didn’t come and they all have a talk about it. As a I suspected, Hailey is now saying that she doesn’t think she was rude to me at all, and she has no reason to apologize to me. My husband tells her that she was in fact rude and she in fact needs to apologize. Hailey suddenly twists the narrative and talks about how since the day she met me, she has been trying to build a relationship with me but I don’t reciprocate. No idea what she’s talking about here, since I’m the one who pushes my husband to give her attention and I’m the one who pushed that instead of getting her generic flowers for her birthday this year we should pitch in and get her a personal antique item that she would enjoy. Besides, this argument has nothing to do with the main issue???

Anyways, long story short, I know I’ve been petty with not initiating and now going to the dinner, but I think it’s a matter of principle. Also, I told my husband that if she doesn’t want to reach out and talk, then that’s something she is deciding, and I won’t try and solve this issue for her. AITH????

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to a downvoted comment to clarifying on standing her ground against her SIL’s behaviors and setting boundaries

OOP: I understand where you’re coming from, but my whole reaction to this and why I’m standing my ground is because the sister shows a lot of signs of narcissistic behavior, and my mother is a covert narcissist which I had to cut off because I was setting boundaries with her that she didn’t respect.

With the sister, she disrespected my husband and was ordering him around in front of her boyfriend, which clearly upset us both and got us in a bad mood, but we still sucked it up and went in to the dinner. She didn’t like that we were in a bad mood so she asked us to leave. So we left. In my opinion, it’s disrespectful to ask someone to leave the table in front of everyone, specially with her boyfriend who just met us there. And I’m not going to brush it off and not expect an apology just because she’s too proud to at least send me a text to check in if I’m ok! She didn’t even do that which is insane to me

Commenter 1: You’re not the AH here. Not going to the goodbye dinner was actually very responsible of you. There had been no contact and no conversation with Hailey. If you went, either there would have been a confrontation or you would have been made to feel even worse by Hailey and her narcissistic attitude towards the entire situation. Hailey has left and you really shouldn’t give her any more brain space. She’s not worth it.

OOP: I’m really glad I didn’t because I know myself and that day I was so emotionally drained I’m sure if she tried to pull something I would have overreacted and caused a scene. And knowing narcissists, that’s exactly what she wants. She’ll twist the narrative and be like see? Your wife is unhinged and completely insane. I’ve dealt with a narcissistic mother my whole life and I know their ways, and I’m not giving her any ammunition.

Commenter 2: I agree and while i understand why OP chose not to attend the dinner, I do feel like it was to her detriment as it seems that any time she isn’t present, the sister is going to villainize her. If OP isn’t there, there won’t be much (if any) pushback to that characterization of OP, so I feel like she needs to be there to stand up for herself when this kind of thing happens. Otherwise, I worry she risks the sister’s nonsense opinions of her seeping into the rest of the family’s subconscious, even if they otherwise know better.

OOP: I’ve been subjected to a smear campaign before by a narcissist and I know it is not limited to being there physically to defend yourself. She will tarnish my reputation if she wants to whether it was in family dinners or one on one phone calls. I can’t be there in every instance and defend myself. My goal right now is not to give her anything substantial to use in her smear campaign.

Commenter 3: As someone who is neurodivergent, I don’t know how normal people can go through all these relationships and not be completely exhausted all the time.

OOP: My poor husband has ADD and I absolutely can see his exhaustion and complete disinterest in talking about these difficult situations.

Commenter 4: There’s a difference between avoiding conflict and letting people treat you badly. Does he stand up for himself in other situations or is it just a problem with his sister?

OOP: Just with his family tbh. With others he doesn’t take shit. It’s like he’s been conditioned to believe that family is above normal human beings.

Commenter 5: I know this is not what u want to hear. But your husband’s dynamic with his siblings is his business. Does it affect you, yes. But they have an entire lifetime of interactions and communication styles etc. My sisters and i can be snippy with each other the odd time. If my husband ever butted in and said something to my sister I would absolutely murder him. Im aloud to bitch at them or talk about them. He isn’t. The fact that you took it upon yourself to address his sister on his behalf is strange. And now you are creating all this unnecessary family drama and hurting his family dynamics and for what. She doesn’t even live in the same country. You creating unnecessary tension in his family is not you being the hero. There dynamics were long established and she wasn’t directing them at you.

OOP: I understand your perspective. I always knew that I had no say in the way she treated him, and I never inserted myself in these situation where I was telling her to back off or stop treating him like this or that.

The instance in our wedding trip the first time, I stated my opinion after she looked at me waiting for me to weigh in, and I told her I thought she was overreacting and left it at that.

In this instance, I didn’t say a word, but I was obviously upset and I will always be upset if someone is bullying and embarrassing someone I love in front of me and I will be in a bad mood. The point that made me walk out of the dinner was when she said that she didn’t like us being in a bad mood and that we can leave. I think that’s completely disrespectful to both of us. Specially that she said it for everyone on the table to hear.

That’s when I expected at least a text from her checking in with me, not even apologizing directly, but just saying that she acknowledges it was an uncomfortable night and that she wishes it went differently (anything along those lines). But she didn’t and she is insisting I don’t even deserve a check in text after disrespecting me like that. Which I think is insane.

Edit to add: I wouldn’t be upset if I knew my husband didn’t mind the way she treated him. I know for a fact, which is conveyed directly from him, that he thinks she bullies him and treats him like crap and it upsets him but he decides not to say anything because she never listens and turns it into a fight.

Edit to also add: what you’re saying expressing the special bond with your sister as siblings is very normal and it’s endearing and people usually love it. Of course I wouldn’t have any issue with this in fact his brother has that with my husband and it’s a beautiful relationship with teasing and making fun or using tough love and I can obviously tell both sides are very content with this dynamic. The dynamic with his sister is different. It is not consensual lol

Update #2: November 4, 2025 (four days later)

Update: AITH for walking out on dinner with my husband’s sister and boyfriend

I posted this in AITH first and it got taken down, I wasn’t aware that only one update is allowed. So I’m posting here.

Some comments I got after the first update was that I’m overreacting and that since she apologized to her brother then I should just get over it and not make it about me.

I want to clarify a couple of things:

1 – during the first convo with my husband, she apologized to him for being an ass in the car. She acknowledged that it was rude to ask us to leave the table if we didn’t want to be there. She confirmed to my husband that she will have a talk with me about it.

2 – I am indeed expecting an apology for putting me in that position at the dinner table in front of someone we barely knew and embarrassing the both of us.

3 – she changed her mind the second time she talked to my husband about needing to talk to me about it, and that it wasn’t rude to ask us to leave the dinner table.

Anyways, with that said, since the last talk she had with my husband, she told both my FIL and MIL about the incident. The way she portrayed it was that I am upset with her and she doesn’t know why, and that she apologized to my husband about the car, and she simply asked us during dinner if we are ok, and that I suddenly stood up and left the table without saying anything. Obviously that’s a complete lie, but thankfully my husband told both my FIL and MIL exactly what happened and they both agreed that Hailey was out of line and that she should indeed at least send me a text to check in. And they did tell her this, but she is refusing to do. Since that day, I haven’t received anything from her, except today she sent me a private text about an event I am working on telling me about someone who is attending. Obviously she wants to continue life like nothing happened.

So this is where I am at now:

1 – either send a thumbs up, and moving forward I will have minimal engagement with her.

2 – or send her a text that mainly says “I know you don’t want to reach out, I decided to initiate to clear the air, I don’t appreciate when you treat my husband like shit, so when it happens in front of me in the future I will always get pissed off, and I think it was rude to ask us to leave the table in front of your boyfriend and if you think that’s ok then that’s your prerogative but it will definitely mean that I have to change my relationship with you”

So lol what do you guys think. I’m so tired of this whole thing. Thank you to everyone who has given me advice and has stuck through with all the updates, I appreciate you.

Relevant Comment

Commenter: Wouldn’t do the long accusing text. She already know everything you say there. In my opinion, you sending that would only tell me that you want to argue and ’win’ and it wouldn’t make her change her mind. Instead stop interacting with her. Do not go back to as if nothing had happened. She’ll have to come crawling either way proper excuses. Those won’t come in a while, not until her life gets uncomfortable by it.

OOP: Honestly yeah I agree. The more I think about the text, the more I feel like she will use it against me somehow, claiming that I’m hostile and showing it to people as confirmation that I’m the bad guy.

Update #3: November 5, 2025 (next day)

Ah man.

Guys she just texted me this:

Hi OP,

Im sensing there’s been a miscommunication. I spoke to brother/your husband and explained it when i was in (country), but i guess it wasnt clear. That evening at dinner, what i was trying to tell you and brother/your husband is that if you are feeling tired please dont feel forced

It’s so half assed I can’t… what should I respond?

Update #4: November 6, 2025 (next day)

Update: AITH for walking out on dinner with my husband’s sister and boyfriend

I saw some commenters wanting an update. Well, I finally lost my temper lol not sure how bad I made it but well it is what it is.

So apparently her original message was longer (I initially only peaked at it from the notifications) and here it is:

“Hi OP, Im sensing there’s been a miscommunication. I spoke to brother and explained it when i has in country, but i guess it wasnt clear. That evening at dinner, what i was trying to tell you and brother is that if you are feeling tired please dont feel forced to stay. I was feeling bad because it seemed that you guys werent having fun. I understand that it was misunderstood in a different way and just want you to know that my intentions were good and coming from a kind place. Me and brother will not always agree on things and we may get into arguments but they are never serious and we quickly figure them out. I hope you dont misunderstand this as well. Happy to speak more if you want but because i dont want there to be any misunderstandings or resentment.”

Here is what I replied:

“Hey, If you’re going to chalk this all up as a misunderstanding from my end, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Here’s the actual timeline:

1- you berate my husband in front of me and someone we just met, I bite my tongue from saying anything respecting that boyfriend is there and not wanting to cause a scene and make you look bad. Even boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable and was trying to lighten the mood. Twice he said “it’s ok guys I’m enjoying this conversation”. You ended that car ride with making it a scene yourself and leaving the car.

2- I witness my husband upset, I am upset, but we decide to push through and go inside just for you.

3- we are upset at the table. You notice this. You ask him if we are ok, he says yes we are just hungry and tired. You decide to tell him that if we don’t want to be here you don’t want to force us and we can leave (in front of everyone) he says no it’s fine. You say this a second time adding that we are all here to have fun and you don’t want us killing “the vibe”. He says it’s fine. You say it a third time and I decide to interject and ask you what you’re saying and you say if you guys don’t want to be here you can leave. Again everyone is listening. So we leave.

If you think all of this only warrants a text telling me I misunderstood two weeks later, then ok I understand 👍🏻”

Her: “OP, let me be clear. Do not insert yourself between me and my brother. Period.

It’s between me and him, has nothing to do with you. We are working out our issues, don’t make it an issue between me and you.

That is a line.”

Me: “You berated MY husband in front of me. You asked ME to leave”

Her: “I told you what I meant. Choose to believe what you want. I’m trying to be nice and honest with you. You want to continue and make it a problem”

Me: “You disrespected me and I’m making it a problem?

I’m done with this conversation. good luck.”

I then block her for like half an hour. I unblocked her and wrote this 😭

“Hailey, Let me be clear.

I have every right to be upset and even intervene when anyone treats my husband poorly.

And when someone disrespects me and tells me I can either change my mood or leave the table, I expect an apology, not blame shifting that I misunderstood.

Otherwise, I’m not interested in engaging in a conversation with you.

Period. That is a line.”

She didn’t respond. lol no idea how this is going to play out, and honestly I don’t care if I messed things up.

*Edit to say that Reddit has this new rule to read the rules of the subreddit and agree to them before they can allow posts and comments. I had to go to the subreddit menu and read the rules and acknowledge and repost all my comments.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: What does your husband think of what’s going on? Like, would he be willing to go LC? Or is he letting you two figure it out on your own?

OOP: He’s talking to her one on one and trying to explain my perspective and she doesn’t want to understand. He told her all the things I said in my messages but he’s not a good communicator so she keeps twisting his words and manipulates and he looses track. He has ADHD so it’s hard for him to catch the flaws in her logic and call her out on the spot. He agrees with me not engaging with her until she properly apologizes.

OOP should consider about banning her SIL from being around her and her husband

Commenter 2: Make sure your husband is on board with banning her too, otherwise sister there will go around you and talk directly to him, saying you don’t have the right to prevent her from talking to her brother (which is true, he needs to tell her to not contact him again amd block her too).

And listen, I get the burning desire to light her up, but I think at this point you’ve got to start listening to the advice you’ve been given from your other posts (including me) – stop engaging with her! Who tf cares if she uses the excuse that she tried to apologize (she won’t btw, she might lie about it though), you’re giving this woman way too much of your time, energy, and power. Stop thinking about her and worrying about the drama and winning, bc people like her never think they’re wrong. So drop your end of the rope already and move on with new peace in your life.

All the commenters have said that going back and forth just plays into her narcissistic drama and ignoring people like this gets to them more than anything, and as infuriating as it is to have them think they’ve won and spin their narrative, being aloof is the the worst thing you can do to them. You can block her, or tell her she’s a narcissistic, disrespectful nutjob and you’ll defend your husband anytime you want bc wife trumps sister then block her, but just cut her off already, and have your husband do the same. And tell his mom and other flying monkey family members to stay out of it.

OOP: I agree… I wish I didn’t engage with her in the last interaction. I can’t have my husband go NC just yet, we’ve only been married 7 months and he’s just now had someone break this down and show him her true colors. I’m going to give him time. In the meantime, that’s my last interaction with her.

Commenter 3: It only counts if your husband is ready to have boundaries and also call her out. Instead he was trying to get you to initiate and claiming she had “apologized” to him, which i frankly doubt a lot at this point. It seems more likely she rug swept and he went along with it. Your husband has to step up.

Engaging with her serves no purpose because he is the one that she wants to bully and she thinks she outranks you with him. He has to draw the line in the sand and put her in her place.

OOP: Yes I totally agree with this. We have only been married around 7 months now, so I’m taking it step by step. I say this because I have a narcissistic mother myself who is A MILLION TIMES worse than his sister and it took me 33 years to muster up the courage to go NC. So I don’t want to suddenly come into his life and enforce such strong boundaries all at once after one incident (even though there were other tiny red flags but not worth creating an issue about)

Commenter 4:

let me be clear. Do not insert yourself between me and my brother. Period.

I think this line is the most telling. She’s threatened by your relationship with her brother, she sees you as actively getting between them. And any time she perceives that you are, she’s going to act out, and no amount of explaining that you’re standing up for him and protecting him, is ever going to get through to her. You are of course being reasonable, but she can’t see it. Not won’t, but can’t.

Her reaction typically sounds like there was some kind of unresolved trauma** during childhood which is still affecting her today. She hasn’t healed from it, which unfortunately is very common among adults, which is why she’s behaving the way she is. I’m not saying it definitely is the case, but that it’s a possibility that you might want to consider.

**No knee-jerk responses, please. This trauma could be anything; sibling rivalry gone wrong, a protector-protected dynamic persisting into adulthood, or worse etc.

Have you spoken to your husband about his growing up years, what his relationship with his sister was like? Has he been forthcoming, or does he keep saying it’s nothing? He may truly be super chill and not mind her ill treatment, figuring that grey rocking is the easiest way to deal with it, but there could be something there, something that never occurred to him until now. It’s worth a try.

OOP: Yeah there could definitely be trauma I don’t know about. It could even be trauma she has experienced without my husband even knowing or understanding it. From what I understand about her (what my husband tells me) is that she has always been jealous of her two brothers’ relationship (they’re best friends), and she was never really close to the youngest sister and they had a fallout a couple of years ago and they went NC. So she might just have always struggled to feel important or have a special bond with a sibling? She also has suffered a lot of fallouts with her close friends. She told me a couple of stories.

But while I am empathetic, but she’s 37 years old. A lot of people go through trauma in childhood and we own up to it and we go to therapy to resolve it.

Commenter 5: Why do you care what anyone else thinks? You’re choosing to keep this drama in your life at this point. You know she isn’t going to apologise because she’s had weeks to do so and she’s still just trying to tap-dance her way away from accountability.

If she does decide to apologise, she has your husband’s number and she also presumably knows where you live. You can quite easily block her and you can quite easily repeat what I just said to anyone who does say you’ve made it impossible for her to apologise by blocking her. At this point you either put a stop to this or admit you’re enjoying the drama, as I see no other reason to maintain contact with someone with whom you cannot have a meaningful conversation and who will never take any accountability.

OOP: It’s not about what everyone else “thinks”, narcissists use a tactic called smear campaigns to get their way, which is basically convincing everyone involved that I’m the villain and that she’s the victim. It matters in this context because she is my husband’s sister, not a random friend I can easily cut off. She involved my husband’s entire family which affects me long term.