1592 – AITA for “ruining my cousin’s life” by existing, being pregnant, and allegedly stealing her baby name?

AITA for “ruining my cousin’s life” by existing, being pregnant, and allegedly stealing her baby name?
CONCLUDED
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/lily-gee

Originally posted to r/AITAH + r/twohottakes

AITA for “ruining my cousin’s life” by existing, being pregnant, and allegedly stealing her baby name?

Editor’s note: made small edits for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: teenage pregnancy, emotional abuse and manipulation, bullying, miscarriage, alcoholism, obsessive behavior, past childhood trauma, falsifying statements

Mood Spoilers: deranged but ends positive

Original Post: June 8, 2025

So, I (18F) have always had weird drama with my cousin Casey (23F). For some reason she’s always had this bizarre obsession with being in competition with me, while loving my older sister (24F) like she’s God’s favorite. No idea why, I gave up trying to figure it out years ago.

For context, she lived with us from middle school up to now because of family issues, and even then she treated me like a punching bag. Called me a worthless POS, ugly, and tried to make me feel like nothing. And unfortunately, it worked for a while. I hid under baggy clothes, avoided people, and had zero confidence.

Fast forward to junior high, I started finding myself. Made some friends, got a lil’ style, learned makeup from my sister, and got into my 90s baggy clothes but cute era. Casey hated every second of it. Claimed I was “copying her” (she wore baggy hoodies and sweats with crocs EVERYDAY).

It got worse when I got a boyfriend he was 16, I was 15, and she deadass tried to steal him by telling him her body was better than mine and he would love seeing her up under her clothes 💀. My mom had to intervene multiple times while my dad kept telling me to “let it go, she’s been through a lot.” Spoiler alert: she’s been “through a lot” her entire life according to everyone.

I graduated high school early at 16 with honors and college credits. She hated it and called me a dumb prick who wouldn’t get far… she didn’t even come to my graduation meanwhile she dropped out of college twice. Projection? I think yes.

What made it worse was I found out I was pregnant in November, and Casey immediately started telling family I didn’t know who the father was, that it could be multiple men, and even told my dad the father was over 31. Mind you, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years at this point. When no one believed her messy ass, she tried to take the attention off of me and got pregnant herself. (she admitted to this) But sadly she miscarried in February.

We were all there for her. I even wore baggy clothes so she wouldn’t feel triggered seeing my bump. Still, every time I had a craving or talked about my pregnancy, she made it about her. Would literally cry at the dinner table because “it should’ve been her.” Dramatic, right?

Then when I announced my baby’s name, she went and got a custom blanket made with the same name, her due date, and the day she miscarried, claiming I “stole” it. When the name was my MOMS mother name who she has no relation to, she’s my dad niece. (I kept the name also.)

Today’s episode:

We’re planning my baby shower, talking about decorations and food, when she loudly scoffs from the living room “no one cares.” We ignore her. We said the baby’s name again here she go: “A name you stole from me.” I rolled my eyes cause why’re you still on this.

I’m showing my mom a pic of a custom car seat cover I ordered, she storms in with her own baby stuff she bought before the miscarriage, mumbling “hopefully I don’t steal her ideas.” Like… I have most of her things already I don’t want your ideas ? 😂 once again I ignored her and my mom told her she loved them.

Once she sees me not caring she then went full-on explode mode. Accuses me of copying her, being jealous, needing to “heal” before I bring a baby into this world, and randomly brings up the hormonal hygiene struggles I’ve been having lately. (That she overheard me talking about like wtf?)

We left to the backyard where my sister was and this woman FOLLOWED US OUT SCREAMING. Saying we treat her worse than her own parents did (big lie, my parents have babied her for years while she treated me like dirt). My dad eventually came upstairs from the basement because she was so loud, asked what was going on, and for once, instead of coddling her… he went off.

He straight up said: “Casey, FOR GOD SAKE I love you but what is your problem? You pick fights constantly, you play victim, and you’re not in middle school anymore. If you want to stay here, you need to get your act together I can’t keep doing this with you or you picking with a teenager who has done nothing to you.”

She was shell shocked. Stormed to her room, packed a bag, and left.

Later, she texted me this.

“You’ve won. I can’t fight you anymore. You’ve always ruined my life even when I was with my parents. You were always the favorite and I always hated you. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME.”

And now… I feel kinda bad. I didn’t respond and no one’s heard from her since.

EDIT / UPDATE:

Hey, you guys I’m honestly overwhelmed by all the responses. I didn’t expect this to blow up like it did, but thank you so much for the kindness, advice, and support. I wanted to answer some of the questions I’ve been seeing a lot in the comments:

1️⃣ Was she the youngest girl before me? Yes, she was the last girl born for 5 years before I came along. Our family is mostly boys with only a few girls here and there, so I do think that may have played a part in how she felt about me.

2️⃣ About me being a teen mom I turn 19 in a couple weeks. I’ve been independent since I was able to work at 15, and I even have my own small business that’s slowly growing. I still live with my parents for now, but I handle my own life for the most part.

3️⃣ Why didn’t my parents get her into therapy? My mom has tried several times to convince my dad to get us all into therapy, but he’s one of those people who doesn’t “believe” in it. He’s always told us to pray or write it down instead, which honestly did help me at times growing up but she definitely needed professional help and still does. I’ve asked him recently to consider it, and he just rolled his eyes and ignored me.

4️⃣ My parents’ ages My mom is 46 and my dad is 57. They’ve been married since 1998 so about 26 years now.

5️⃣ What happened with her parents? Her dad was physically abusive to both her and her mom. Her mom helped her run away and sent her to live with us, while she stayed behind. We live on the East Coast, and they were all the way in Oakland, CA. As for contact no, we haven’t spoken to them since they lost custody of her.

6️⃣ Why was I so nice to her? Because I genuinely looked up to her. My older sister was never really around much, and I thought she and I could be close like sisters. I really wanted that.

7️⃣ Was there favoritism? Not really, no. I feel like we were treated fairly for the most part. If anything, she got a little more attention and was doted on more, probably because of what she’d been through. I only got extra toys when I was little because I was 4 years old and too small to do the stuff they did.

8️⃣ Where is she now? No one has heard from her since she left. She’s blocked all of us, and as far as we know, she doesn’t have a job or anywhere stable to go which honestly makes me nervous because it’s likely she’ll try to come back eventually. So we’re keeping our eyes open and being cautious.

Editor’s note: OOP has made the same original post onto another subreddit, I am adding relevant comments from the sub for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Ummm I would strongly advise you to go LC or NC with this loony bin. She needs professional help and her jealousy sounds strong and has been years in the making. I would not trust her alone with the baby let alone you, I would not be surprised if she got violent in my opinion. Stay far away from her OP

OOP: it’s honestly been YEARS of this weird obsession, and I kept hoping she’d grow out of it, but at this point I’m realizing peace is priceless. And trust she will not be anywhere near my baby. I wish her the best… just far, far away from me.

Commenter 2: If what you’ve said is true you have nothing to feel bad for, she’s done it to herself. She clearly has some serious issues that she needs to deal with but she sounds like one of those people who will always be the victim. Everything will always be someone’s else’s fault. Just stay away from her and don’t rise to it

OOP: Thank you so much and you’re right. It’s one of those things where deep down I know it’s not my fault, but the guilt creeps in sometimes anyway. I’ve always been the people pleaser in the family maybe that’s why but you nailed it she’s always played the victim, and nothing was ever her responsibility. I’m learning to finally let go of feeling responsible for someone else’s chaos. Definitely keeping my distance

Commenter 3: She views your life as the life she should have had and is insanely jealous of you. Stop pandering to her. Her past is neither your fault or problem. She is doing this to herself and needs to grow the hell up. This kind of thinking should be done by early teens at the very latest. Every attempt from her needs to be met with a thanks for the space I clearly live rent free in your head, isn’t it time you started focusing on your own life?

OOP: Omg thank you! you’re so right. I’ve been walking on eggshells around her for so long trying to “keep the peace” when in reality, she’s just been throwing a tantrum at life and trying to drag me into it. I’ve thought being nice would help but it only made it worse..

OOP on her father considering about therapy for the family due to Casey’s situation and behaviors

OOP: Thank you And yeah, I agree it would’ve saved everyone a lot of stress if someone had stepped in years ago. He is the type of person that doesn’t believe in therapy so that wasn’t on the list..

Yeah… it’s a really sad part of all this. We have all needed therapy at one point but he’s very old-school “tough it out, deal with it” when it comes to mental health, and it’s done more damage than he realizes. I don’t excuse how she treated me but I can also acknowledge she’s probably been drowning for years with no lifeline. It’s just unfortunate she chose to lash out at me instead of accepting help, and now things are too broken to fix. It’s a mess all around.

Commenter 4: NTA go NC with her for a few years. You do not need the stress while pregnant or with a new baby. All she adds to your life is stress, lies and abuse; why have her in your life?

OOP: Aww thank you and honestly, you’re right. It was mostly me trying to keep the peace for my parents’ sake, but at this point I realize it’s not worth sacrificing my own peace and sanity (especially now with a little one on the way). She’s been a walking ball of stress and drama for years, and it’s exhausting. Definitely leaning toward NC for my own well-being.

Can OOP move out and get an apartment?

OOP: Thank you so much for this, seriously. I’ve actually been trying to move out for a while now. I’ve been on a waiting list for an apartment and just waiting for them to call with an opening. My boyfriend went off to the Navy earlier this year, so that’s not an option right now, but his parents are amazing, and they’ve already said I could stay with them if I needed to. I’m just hoping something comes through soon, because you’re right! my baby deserves peace and so do I. I really appreciate your kind words and support, it means a lot 💕.

Commenter 4: Why was your dad condoning your 20-year-old cousin flirting with a 16-year-old?

OOP: At the time, I think my dad was just so focused on “keeping the peace” and not setting her off that he overlooked stuff he never should’ve ignored, and I ended up being the one stuck dealing with it.

Now that I’m older and looking back, it honestly pisses me off. Like, protecting someone’s feelings shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s safety or comfort especially your own kid’s. And flirting with a literal teenager while she was 20 was gross and predatory, period. No excuse.

Update #1: June 15, 2025 (one week later)

UPDATE: AITA for “ruining my cousin’s life” by existing, being pregnant, and allegedly stealing her baby name?

For anyone new, quick recap: my cousin Casey bullied me most of my life, constantly compared us, and when I got pregnant she accused me of stealing the baby name she “had planned” (which was actually my grandma’s name). Things blew up, she stormed out, and no one heard from her until now.

On to the update:

Casey ended up coming back about two days later drunk and higher than ever. It was around 1AM. I was asleep, but apparently my parents were still up watching a movie when she came in. My dad, who’s a recovering alcoholic and has been sober since I was 14, was furious and disappointed.

They tried to sit her down to talk, but she just cried and said she was tired and wanted to lay down. So they let her go upstairs. A little while later, my parents stepped outside to the back patio for a smoke break (yes, both of them smoke occasionally).

And of course, while they were outside and out of earshot, Casey came to my room.

I woke up to her trying to open my door thankfully it was locked. She started whisper shouting for me to open it, calling me a “POS” and saying we needed to talk. When I told her to go away and that we could talk in the morning, she started banging on my door, kicking it, and was saying that I would never be prettier than her and that I was the ugly black sheep in the family. (This again? GET HELP)

I told her to go to bed again, but she wasn’t done. She threatened me, saying if she saw me tonight it wouldn’t be good for me. At that point, I started recording and sent a video to my dad. He came rushing back inside and went off. He told her she wasn’t staying another night in his house, and she needed to start packing asap, that coming home drunk and bullying me again was unacceptable, and she needed to figure out where she was going in the morning.

She broke down crying again, claiming we were “all she had” and she just wanted to talk. My dad didn’t budge this time. He told her the only person she needed to talk to was a therapist and until she got professional help, she wasn’t welcome here.

She was shocked, because like I’ve said before my dad’s always been old school and kind of coddled her. But not this time. My mom came inside mid-conversation, sat her down, and apparently had a heart-to-heart about how unacceptable it was for her to live in our home while treating me like garbage. I was watching the whole thing go down on the security cameras from my phone because yes, I’m that petty.

But then my sister Monica starts texting me… taking Casey’s side. It goes something like this.

Monica: “Amiya for once will you stop making it so hard with her? She only wanted to talk.”

Me: “It’s 1 o’clock in the morning. I’m barely able to get out of bed, what do you expect me to do? I don’t want to talk”

Monica: “I’m tired of you playing the victim like you’re so innocent in this. Get over yourself. You’re exhausting and it’s getting harder to deal with.”

Me: “What have I done, Monica? I’ve cooked for y’all, cleaned up after y’all, always tried to be nice, and neither of you do anything for me. If anything, you’re exhausting. You’re 24, you’ve got a degree you won’t even use it. Be real. Stop texting me Goodnight.”

I cried. I always looked up to both of them, even after everything. But this was my breaking point.

So here’s where we’re at now:

Casey left the next morning to go stay with a friend. She’s been texting and calling my parents, begging them to reconsider. But they’re standing firm: if she wants to be part of this family, she needs therapy first no exceptions.

As for Monica, we haven’t spoken since those texts. My mom noticed and asked what was going on, but I told her to ask her daughter because I had nothing to say.

I’ve officially uninvited both Monica and Casey from my baby shower. Neither of them will be involved with my baby, and my mom said it’s my decision. So no Aunt Monica. No Cousin Casey.

My dad’s standing firm too. No more excuses, no more drama.

And me? I’m focusing on my pregnancy, my business, and reclaiming my peace. This is supposed to be a happy time for me, and I’m done letting them take that away. I deserve to be excited about this baby without guilt.

Thank you to everyone who’s been so kind, offered advice, and reminded me I don’t have to tolerate this treatment. It means more than you know.

If anything else happens, I’ll keep y’all updated. ❤️.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. Your cousin is very immature and has no self-control. You are wise to keep your child away from people who cannot control themselves.

Nobody owns a name and there is no law to keep her from using it just because you did.

OOP: Thank you that’s exactly how I feel. It’s not about the name, it’s about her behavior. I won’t let my child grow up around people who act like that and think it’s acceptable. Everyone has the right to choose a name they love, and no one gets to gatekeep it. Mind you though it’s my Maternal Grandmother name and she has no relation to her so how did I steal it?

Commenter 2: Glad your father woke up to what Casey has been doing. As for your sister, just stay away from her. Put her on read. Don’t answer calls.

Keep your baby away from these toxic girls.

OOP: Thank you I’m also relieved my dad finally saw the truth about Casey. And you’re right about my sister, too. I’m done giving her chances. From now on, it’s silence. My baby deserves to grow up surrounded by love, not toxic drama.

Commenter 3: It appears it’s not just Casey. I think OP’s sister and Casey have held a years long campaign of jealousy, hate, resentment for OP. It’s just Casey took it to the next level. I wouldn’t trust either of them. They sound capable of harming OP and her baby.

OOP: Honestly, I think you’re right. Looking back, there were so many little things that didn’t feel right, and now it all makes sense. It wasn’t just Casey but my sister’s been part of it too. I don’t trust either of them anymore, and they won’t have access to me or my baby. I’m choosing peace and safety for us from here on out.

OOP should show her text messages conversations with her sister to her parents

OOP: Thank you! I already showed my parents the texts, and my dad told my sister that if she wants to take Casey’s side, she can take the offer to move out with her. It feels good to finally have their support and see some boundaries being set.

I’ve already shown the texts to my mom, and they’re starting to see the reality of what’s been happening. It’s painful, but it’s clear my sister needs that wakeup call.

OOP on where her baby’s father is at this time

OOP: He joined the military earlier this year, so he’s been away.

Commenter 5: NTA. Your cousin is a psychopath.

She didn’t want to talk to you, because no conversation starts by calling someone trash.

Ask Monica to come here on reddit to defend Casey because I don’t see victimism on her part in being pregnant and wanting to honor her grandmother.

Stealing the baby’s name??? What it is? When Casey has her baby, name him after her grandmother. Did she want to reserve this right in her name? Your cousin is ridiculous. Are you an orphan??? Are you the daughter of a brooder? Who does she think she is to live in your parents’ house and threaten you and call you trash.

And what’s the problem with Monica? Tell us here.

OOP: Thank you for understanding. My baby’s name is “Amoy”, honoring my Jamaican grandmother’s legacy and culture, which is very important to me. We never knew if her baby would be a boy or girl, so it’s not like I ‘stole’ the name it’s deeply personal and connected to my maternal grandmother. Casey is my dad’s niece and has no relation to my grandmother, so the whole name issue feels unfair and hurtful.

As for Monica, I’m not really sure why she’s acting this way maybe because my dad stopped coddling Casey. Whatever it is, I’m done trying to be part of their drama. I just want peace and to protect my family.

OOP responds to a downvoted comment regarding not being independent if OOP is still living at home with her parents

OOP: Look I’ve never claimed my life is perfect or that I’ve got it all figured out. I’ve been upfront about this pregnancy being unplanned, and yes, I’m still living at home. But what I have done is worked since I was 15, graduate early with honors,, and started a growing business that’s covering my college tuition and helping me save while their tuition was paid in full by my parents. I’m actively working toward a better future for me. I’ve said multiple times that I’m in the process of trying to move out my mom actually doesn’t want me to yet, but I’m still making moves, all while preparing for labor and everything else that comes with it.

I’m only 18 fixing to be 19 in a couple weeks, and I just got started building my credit so I can be on my own. It’s easy to sit behind a screen and judge someone else’s life without knowing the full story, but I’m doing the best I can with what I have, and frankly, I’m proud of that. While you’re right that I’m not fully independent yet, I’m on my way and no amount of condescension is going to dim that. Wishing you a good day.

OOP on if her sister, Monica, and Casey are closer with each other than Monica with OOP

OOP: Yeah, my sister and Casey have been tight for years, which makes it even harder. And no, I haven’t spoken to my sister since called me names, and was talking trash behind my back. Honestly, it’s like my sister is more on Casey’s side than mine, which is really disappointing.

Update #2: November 7, 2025 (nearly five months later)

UPDATE 2: AITA for “ruining my cousin’s life” by existing, being pregnant, and allegedly stealing her baby name?

Hey Reddit, it’s been a minute! I wanted to give y’all one last update because so much has happened since my last post and honestly… life has done a full 180.

Quick recap for anyone new: My cousin Casey accused me of stealing her baby name (which was actually our grandma’s name 🙄). Things blew up, and my sister Monica took her side. Casey got kicked out after showing up drunk and banging on my door at 1AM, and Monica told me I was “playing the victim.” I ended up uninviting both of them from my baby shower and cutting contact.

Now for the good stuff. 😌

\⸻

The Baby Shower & The Fallout

My baby shower went beautifully full of love, laughter, and zero drama (thankfully). Everyone who came was genuinely happy for me. My mom, dad, and a few close friends really showed up and made it feel special.

Monica and Casey didn’t come (obviously). But here’s the kicker they moved out together shortly after everything went down. Apparently, they thought living together would be a “fresh start” and said they didn’t want to live with a “moody teenage mom.”

LMAOOOOOO.

Let’s just say reality hit fast.

Neither of them kept a stable job, bills started piling up, and now they’re struggling to stay above water. From what I hear, it’s been a lot of blaming each other and crying to whoever will listen. I’m not gloating, but karma really has a way of humbling people.

\⸻

Life Now ❤️

My sweet baby girl was born August 25th at 11:01 AM, weighing 8 lbs 9 oz. She’s almost 3 months old now the happiest, chunkiest little mama and truly the light of my life. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing.

I’ve since moved out and got my own place with my boyfriend (now FIANCÉ!!!) 💍

He proposed at the baby shower, and it still doesn’t feel real sometimes. He’s been my rock through all of this.

I also started nursing school and I’m thriving! Balancing school, motherhood, and my growing business has been a lot, but it’s worth every second. My business is doing better than ever literally growing by the hour.

My mom’s loving having the house to herself, and I’m just thankful to finally sleep with both eyes closed no more worrying about someone trying to kick down my door at 1AM.

⸻

Mentally

I won’t lie and say everything’s perfect. I still have moments where I replay the drama or feel hurt by how it all ended. But overall, I’m okay. I’m healing, focusing on my baby, and learning to be proud of how far I’ve come.

Life feels calm now. Peaceful, even. And that’s all I ever wanted.

Thank you to everyone who followed my story and reminded me I wasn’t crazy or dramatic for setting boundaries. I finally feel safe, loved, and happy. 💖.

Moral of the story: peace over drama, always.