Featured on @StorylineReddit: November 16, 2025
It begins with a costume. A screen-accurate Spider-Man suit, textured webbing, cinematic precision. Four figures of debt already trailing behind it. A young woman on the other end of the phone listening to someone say, without irony, that he would rather starve than let it go.
On paper, it almost reads like satire $1,500 under her name because lenders have stopped returning his calls. But the absurdity is only the visible part. Underneath, something quieter has been forming. She pays for groceries. She fills in the gaps. She absorbs the pressure when bills don’t align with reality.
This isn’t only about money. It’s about roles shifting slowly enough that they start to feel natural. Partner turns into provider. Provider edges toward caretaker. No one announces the change. The costume is loud. The pattern around it is not.
The conflict does not hinge on the loan request itself but on the relational structure that made it plausible. Over time, financial instability and unmanaged mental health struggles reshaped the partnership. She increasingly covered essentials; he accumulated discretionary debt. What began as empathy became expectation.
When he asked her to assume legal responsibility for additional spending, the arrangement surfaced clearly: risk could move outward, toward her. Her refusal reintroduced a boundary, briefly. The breakup suggested clarity, but clarity did not hold.
Emotional reliance complicated by her own difficult home life drew her back. What followed was not a sudden shift but a narrowing. He pursued another woman while maintaining access to her. After choosing the other woman, he still required updates: who she was seeing, where she was going, how long she would be out. Compliance became routine.
The escalation moved from financial dependency to monitoring, from monitoring to physical harm, from harm to threats. Each stage built on the previous one. The pattern tightened before it shattered.
Text Version
My F 22 Boyfriend M 26 asked me for $1500 to buy a Halloween Costume (New Final Update)
NEW UPDATE
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/AlexisDrake1354
My F 22 Boyfriend M 26 asked me for $1500 to buy a Halloween Costume
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice
BoRU 1
TRIGGER WARNING: Exploitation and entitlement, domestic abuse, Physical abuse, verbal abuse, Infidelity, threats
MOOD SPOILER: Terrifying
Original Post July 25, 2023
Me F(22) and my Boyfriend M(26) have been together for around 4 years. I recently was asked by him if he could get a personal loan under my name so that he could buy a Halloween costume.
I am feeling a bit unsure of how upset I should be or if I even should be upset about it.
To explain his current situation, he currently has around $5000 worth of debt and does not have a job and lives off a payments from the government currently. When he originally asked I got quite upset since for the last year his financial situation has continued to get worse as I currently pay for his groceries and essentials and without aid doesn’t have basic essentials like toilet paper or soap let alone food and can only meet the payments of his rent at the moment.
When he asked me for the loan it was about $1500 and he wanted to have me open a personal loan since no financial lenders would give him any more money than he currently has on loan. I don’t know why I felt like it was my breaking point but I just cried and told him he was childish for asking me for money to buy something so stupid and haven’t spoken to him for the last couple days. He asked me for money when he is already relies on me to buy his groceries and is in so much debt from buying video games and action figures, I’m struggling to figure out what to even do or say to him. The reason he wants to loan so much from me is for more of the same non-essential things that got him into debt in the first place. A custom made Halloween costume seems like an outrageous thing to want to purchase in his current situation but he doesn’t see it as a big deal since in his words “its not alot of money for you” and I think I just need advice on what approach might work to help him understand.
No matter how much I have tried to explain the strain his dependence on me to support him with his basic needs has been when we don’t live together and despite me trying to suggest loan consolidation or a selected person to manage his funds on his behalf could benefit him I feel like my approach isn’t working.
I would appreciate advice on what steps I can take or what approach I might be able to use instead in regards to talking to him and trying to resolve this issue in our relationship currently.
TDLR: boyfriend is in $5000 worth of debt and wants a personal loan in my name of $1500 to buy a custom made Halloween costume. What would you suggest doing in this situation?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Cultural_Shape3518
Tell him it’s not a lot of money for you because you would never in a million years even contemplate something as foolhardy as taking out a four figure loan for a holiday that’s a) months away, and b) can be celebrated just as if not more effectively with an old bedsheet and a pair of scissors.
Or “no.” Just “no” works. Or simply laugh as you walk away. Hopefully for good, because I don’t know why you’re trying to convince yourself this is reasonable unless you want to spend the rest of your life in debt catering to an overgrown five year old’s every whim.
OOP
I think I’m stuggling and rationalising it becuase my boyfriend has already invested about 700$ into the costume and has been stressing and non stop talking to me and showing me pictures of what costume he wants and cried to me over the phone about how he has always wanted to dress up in this costume since he was a child. (he has never mentioned this character or costume to me since we have been together) He stressed how life changing this costume was that he told me “I would happily starve for weeks if it means I have this costume” which I really don’t want to have him do.
reality_junkie_xo
He hasn’t INVESTED $700. He has SPENT $700 he DOES NOT HAVE. This is hugely disturbing behavior. If he starves for weeks because of this costume, he wins a Darwin award. Why are you still dating this idiot?
OOP clarifies what the costume is
Its a spider man costume with like ridged webbing and it’s screen accurate to the amazing spider man costume from the movies.
TOP COMMENT
mad0666
Lmao girl. Come on. Have some respect for yourself. This man is already a clown, he doesn’t need any costume.
OOP Updated the same day/same post
(UPDATE)
I’m sure most of you thought this was a dumb question to begin with and really tore through me but for those who were kinder with their advice I really appreciated it along with the private messages that offered kinder words.
I know I seem like an absolute idiot but I think being with my boyfriend for so long as well as since highschool made me feel extremely attached and like I wouldn’t know what to do if he wasn’t around so in that way I was definitely dependant on him.
To clarify things it was for a spider man costume and no I did not give him the money, I spoke to him and he tried explaining that it was his cousin who forced him to ask me for the money. Which I didn’t belive and ended the relationship since alot of your comments made me realise I have a seriously low standard for my dating pool and will have to reconsider my standards moving forward. I guess the reason I indulged this man for so long was becuase I felt pity for him and his situation, he lives off government disability payments due to having autism, adhd and severe clinical depression and I think as we progressed in our relationship I slowly became his carer after his family moved away and had no one to take him to his appointments especially after covid his carer quit so he didn’t have someone to help him in his day to day tasks. I understand now that should have never been my job to pick up and blurring those lines made me become financially and emotionally used as he had no one else to depend on.
Anyways. I HAVE BROKEN UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND. I will try to listen to you guys and find someone who is more on my level of stability and self-reliance.
Thank you everyone for listening and giving me the wakeup call I needed to get out before I committed to marrying or having children with him.
NEW UPDATE
OOP posted over 1 year later update on the same post Oct 15/2024
YEAR LATER – LAST UPDATE
Hey, everyone who may care for an update, I recived some PMs asking for an update on this ridiculous post, I have good and bad news.
Trigger warning for abuse
I ended up getting back together with my ex after breaking up after this post (super dumb yes i know) It was a really tremulous and abusive relationship that had become a kind of dependence on that person to escape a lot of my home life troubles. Despite my ex being the worst scum ever, it was better than what I knew in my home life and what I thought I deserved. I struggled alot but was able to thrive in my personal life and career but despite that, i clung to my ex as it was all I thought I deserved, it only got worse as he grew to hate me and still depended on me.
He monopolised all of my time but when I was at work he was talking to another woman and worked toward cheating on me with her but was unsuccessful in that endeavour as she only wanted the attention but didn’t want to have sex with such a loser, he made a choice when I asked to pick me or her and chose her hoping he would finally be able to make it with this other woman who thankfully would not give him the time of day once the chase was over and he was no longer in a relationship. he thankfully broke up with me when he picked her but didn’t want to relinquish control over me and demanded to keep me as a friend.
I was ordered to keep him in the loop about dates, who I was seeing, where I was going, and for how long. If I didn’t tell him he beat me and it got bad enough, he punched me in the stomach on the side of a busy highway while I was in my work uniform. I decided finally to stop pitying this horrible scum and leave. I regret all the years I wasted with this scum bag trapped in his abuse and lies. I thankfully kept him at bay and would only answer his phone calls, he had panic attacks and would call me every couple of days crying and screaming but after he threatened to kill my family and make me watch and then kill himself so he wouldn’t go to jail for it and would leave me all alone I felt unable to escape.
Thankfully, he eventually lost interest and got upset. I wasn’t “being a good friend” and blocked me after threatening to kill me if he ever saw me in the street. It was an insane relationship not really encapsulated in my reddit post because I was already being screamed at by hundreds of people for being absolutely stupid about it so after being dragged i figured it was best I didn’t actually speak about all the depth of it.
The whole relationship felt like an unreal experience between two people with severe mental health and self-worth issues, and I became someone unrecognisable when driven into a corner like I was. At least I have a whole lot of crazy ex stories to tell, which my friends’ lovingly dub “lore dropping” i have had a hard start to my life from childhood till about a year ago but Please know I am happy, safe and doing well now, I have regular therapy sessions and live away from my abusive family and with friends who love and care for me who have become like an adoptive family to me. Things are really well, and thank you for checking in.
Source
He had already spent $700 on the suit. He sent reference photos. He cried on the phone. He said it would change his life. He said he would happily starve for weeks if it meant having it.
That sentence stands on its own.
At first glance, his behavior reads as immaturity amplified debt from games and collectibles, fixation on a childhood fantasy, confidence that she could absorb the consequences. Reckless, yes. But recklessness alone does not explain why she felt compelled to soften every landing. She understood his diagnoses. She knew his family had moved away. The carer quit during Covid. She stepped in. Groceries. Rides to appointments. Late-night reassurance.
Then something shifts. Abruptly, he chooses another woman and still expects access. He demands updates about her dates. Locations. Timelines. If she doesn’t tell him, he beats her.
On the side of a busy highway, in her work uniform, he punches her in the stomach. Cars move past. She stands there.
There is a temptation to draw a bright line around that moment, to treat it as the obvious beginning of “real” harm. But the constriction had been underway long before. Small permissions accumulate. Risk moves quietly. Responsibility follows.
After the assault come threats against her family, against himself. Panic calls every few days. Crying, then rage. Control stretches even after he ends the relationship. And then, just as abruptly, he loses interest. He blocks her. Leaves one last threat behind.
She is safe now. Therapy. Friends who feel like family. A different environment. Stability, by description.
And still, one question lingers in the background: when chaos feels familiar, what does steadiness register as at first comfort, or absence?