1502 – My (31m) girlfriend (29f) suddenly wants a hysterectomy???
Featured on @StorylineReddit: November 3, 2025
It starts in an ordinary way. A couple talking about turning thirty. A plan they have always agreed on. Tubes tied. Childfree. Settled.
Then she says she is considering removing her uterus entirely.
The word lands heavily. Not because of ideology, not because of children, but because of scale. A healthy body. A permanent step. He hears danger. She hears him questioning her judgment. The tone shifts in seconds.
What is unsettling is how casual it sounds at first. Almost logistical. As if they are choosing between procedures on a checklist. But something in the air tightens. His reaction sharpens. Hers hardens. The room cools.
It looks like a medical disagreement. It is not really about medicine.
Something had already been building, quietly, long before the word hysterectomy entered the conversation.
On the surface, the conflict revolves around a drastic surgical proposal. He reacts with alarm, framing his concern around health risks and long-term consequences. She responds defensively, insisting on bodily autonomy and shutting the conversation down. The disagreement escalates quickly, then stalls into silence.
The later revelation reframes everything. The surgery was never the true objective. Beneath it was a private fear that intimacy was fading again. In previous relationships, declining sex had signaled the beginning of the end. When frequency dropped here, even slightly, it did not register to her as circumstantial. It felt familiar.
He had taken on more stress at work and assumed stability meant security. She interpreted the same stretch of time as confirmation that something was wrong with her. The proposed procedure functioned less as a medical plan and more as an attempt to eliminate wanting altogether.
When the underlying fear surfaced, the argument shifted from reproductive health to sexual vulnerability. The tension softened, behavior changed, but the emotional logic that produced the crisis did not disappear entirely.
My (31m) girlfriend (29f) suddenly wants a hysterectomy??? CONCLUDED I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Hysterwhatnow
My (31m) girlfriend (29f) suddenly wants a hysterectomy???
TRIGGER WARNING: mental health, trauma, possible sexual dysfunction
MOOD SPOILER: Concerning but hopeful
Original Post July 17, 2018
Okay, some backstory. We’ve been together about a year and a half, we get along fabulously, I love her like crazy. We have had a rough patch, but we made it through and now we’re great. We say I love you all the time, regular dates, rarely fight, ect. Great dynamic.
We’re both childfree. It was one of the first things we bonded over. She’s been planning to get her tubes tied when she was thirty since before we met (she has an IUD now) so permanent birth control is nothing new. I support her decision completely. But then a couple days ago, we were talking, and the topic of how she’ll be 30 soon came up and the surgery. Then she drops on me totally casually that instead of getting her tubes tied, she’s leaning towards getting her uterus completely taken out.
I’ll admit, I’m not the most medically savvy, but from what I know and looked up about it, it doesn’t seem safe or logical, especially at her age, so it was kind of a bombshell. I said I thought it had too many health risks and could send her into menopause from what I know about it. She just kept repeating that she knows what she’s talking about and it’s fine, and not to question her. From what I know, her periods arent very heavy or painful, and there’s no history of cancers, so I have no idea what brought this on. It escalated to a heated argument that lead to her saying she wished she hadn’t said anything and that it’s not my body and storming out of the room. That was a few days ago and things are still chilly. Neither of us have said anything on the topic.
So, what the hell??? She won’t say why, and from what I’ve researched on the procedure it A) seems completely unnecessary, B) could be/IS harmful for a woman her age, and C) good luck finding a doctor who’ll do it! She’s usually super into her health and weighing the risks and benefits, so I dont get it. Am I missing something here, or am I just being an unsupportive jackass?
** TL;DR: GF wants a hysterectomy. Wont give reasons beyond “Because I decided it’s the best option.” I think it’s dangerous. What’s going on and how do I broach this? **
TOP COMMENT
Commenter
You don’t have to broach the subject or talk about it at all because they won’t remove a perfectly healthy organ.
If she has normal periods, no fibroids, no cancer, it’s not coming out. It’s beyond too dangerous to perform this on a healthy person for no reason and it will not happen. It’s not a birth control option. It’s not elective. Period.
A doctor will tell her this in due time so this is not your problem. Stop worrying about this.
(I just need to correct you re: menopause, that’s only if they remove the ovaries along with the uterus, which isn’t necessary and not part of an average hysterectomy)
Update – rareddit July 22, 2018 (5 days later)
EDIT: Wow, this blew up. I’ve read through all the replies and want to address a few things, especially for anyone who didn’t read the original post:
I’m not being abused. I’m not being manipulated. The hysterectomy idea was brought up as an option to permanent sterilization, it’s part of an ongoing conversation. We are childfree, she had planned to get her tubes tied when she turned 30 since before she met me. It probably would not have escalated to this if I had just said “okay.” It was when I reacted strongly that she got defensive.
Therapy, particulary couples therapy was already suggested between us and we’re probably going to go for it. She admitted she has some baggage surrounding her previous dead bedroom relationships, and because I wasn’t listening and she figured that getting her ovaries out was a potential solution to something. I didn’t think it was needed to go into detail like this, but she said when we were talking that she was surprised at how heated she got over the issue. She also realized after the fact no doctor would take her ovaries out voluntarily.
For the people that missed it, we generally communicate pretty well. I just missed the sex talk from her… for 6 months. Again, something that can hopefully be addressed with therapy. If every bump in the road or accidental miscommunication is breakup worthy… jeepers, good luck to you guys
I got a lot of advice on the last post from all points of view, and a couple of messages, so I figured I’d do an update. First off, she doesn’t actually want a hysterectomy, it was a cry for help or a red flag. Also, I’m an idiot.
So the day after I made the post, I wanted to clear the air because like I’d said, things were chilly and off. So I sat down with her and I had a whole apology planned about doubting her judgment and clearly she knows her body and I was just worried because I love her and I support her and so on and so forth, but I only got partway in before she got upset, told me it doesn’t matter because she knows she can’t get one and its not happening. Then I got really confused and said if it’s what she wants, then I’ll help her get one and find the right doctor and we can do our research together. She yelled that she doesn’t want one and to drop it and leave her alone. Then she burst into tears and stormed out of the apartment.
So I’m super confused and worried at this point. I didn’t call because when she gets this upset, it’s better to leave her be. But I sent her a text telling her I love her and I want to fix whatever is going on. She came back an hour later still crying and said she needs to talk and tell me something. I was completely braced for the worst, that she’d cheated or was pregnant, but I think what she said actually hurt more. She wanted the hysterectomy as a last ditch resort to intentionally kill her sex drive. Remember how I mentioned we had a rough patch? About 6 months ago. Well I thought everything was better than ever since then, but what I didn’t notice was Ive coincidentally taken on some bigger projects at work since then, which has upped my stress levels, and I didn’t notice we’ve been having less and less sex. She pointed out that we only had sex twice in the past month, and I dont initiate. She also told me her last three relationships ended with dead bedrooms where her partners refused to work on it so she was scared it’s happening to her again. She then told me that if it keeps happening to her, that there must be something wrong with her and how awful she feels, so she jus wanted to not feel any thing sexually. Honestly, the whole thing is heartbreaking and I felt so guilty. She had brought up the sex thing a few times before but I hadnt taken it serious enough and I guess she just gave up.
Anyways, I felt like garbage and I’ve spent every day since trying to make it up to her (and yes, we’ve been having sex.) I’ve also committed to making I initiate and to actually listen before things snowball. She’s happier, shes incredible, I’m much better for actually getting some too, and I’m the luckiest man on the planet.
** TL;DR: she didn’t want a hysterectomy, she wanted me to get my head out of my ass and pay attention. We’re fixing what could have been a dead bedroom, and working on communication. This will probably make us stronger
He sits down with an apology prepared. He has rehearsed it. He gets through a few lines about trusting her judgment and supporting her choices. She interrupts. Says it does not matter. Says she cannot get the surgery anyway. He pivots, offers to help her find a doctor. She raises her voice. Then she is crying. She leaves the apartment.
He does not follow.
An hour later she returns, eyes swollen, and says she needs to tell him something.
There is no analysis in that scene. Just two people misfiring around a subject neither has fully named.
When she explains that the hysterectomy was a last attempt to kill her sex drive, the scale makes a different kind of sense. This was not about sterilization. It was about stopping desire before it could hurt her again. In her history, reduced intimacy had preceded rejection. So when they had sex only twice in a month and he stopped initiating, she did not read stress or distraction. She read pattern.
Midway through the story, a quiet truth surfaces: frequency had become proof. Not openly discussed, not negotiated, just assumed. If he wanted her, he would initiate. If he did not, something was wrong.
He, meanwhile, was absorbed in larger projects. Stress up. Attention elsewhere. He believed the earlier rough patch had resolved. He did not track the decline in initiation. He did not notice the way she was watching it.
The escalation happens long before the fight. She mentions sex a few times. He does not grasp urgency. She suggests a permanent procedure. He reacts to the extremity. She hears dismissal. The argument spirals, but mostly inside her.
After the admission, behavior shifts. He initiates more. They have sex more often. She feels lighter. He feels relieved.
And yet the logic that linked intimacy to self-worth sits there, only partially addressed. If reassurance is measured in frequency, what happens the next time work stretches long, or stress creeps back in?
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