Featured on @StorylineReddit: November 18, 2025
At first glance, this looks like a friend group with history: shared holidays, board games, travel plans, even talk of buying land near each other. A decade of proximity creates its own gravity. It feels solid from the outside.
And yet some tensions don’t arrive dramatically. They accumulate. A comment about her body. A throwaway “stupid.” A joke that lands harder than it was delivered. Laughter fills the room and the moment passes, but not for everyone.
This story doesn’t hinge on a single fight about dirty pans. It rests on something quieter the repeated assumption that one person’s sharpness is personality while another person’s reaction is excess. There is a night where someone laughs from upstairs while someone else is crying outside. That detail lingers longer than the argument itself.
It’s less about humor styles and more about space: who can occupy it comfortably, and who keeps adjusting to preserve it.
At its core, the conflict centers on a long-standing imbalance inside a close friend group. Over several years, one friend’s fiancé directed mocking remarks toward the narrator often framed as teasing, often dismissed as harmless. When she raised concerns, apologies occasionally followed, but the behavior returned in familiar form.
The narrator adapted. She laughed things off, muted her reactions, avoided confrontation. The fear of losing the friendship made accommodation feel safer than escalation. Gradually, the pattern settled into something almost routine.
The breaking point came during a shared trip. Already physically unwell and emotionally raw from tapering medication, she found herself less able to absorb the comments. A confrontation followed, met not with engagement but laughter. Her friend, overhearing the exchange, reduced it to trivial bickering.
Distance afterward shifted the internal landscape. A month with little contact felt unexpectedly peaceful. The eventual ending of the friendship did not emerge from one explosive moment alone, but from noticing how different she felt when the dynamic was absent.
Text Version
My friend’s fiancé has been mocking me for years – I finally snapped and now I feel like I’m the problem
ONGOING
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Kyraenm
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest
My friend’s fiancé has been mocking me for years – I finally snapped and now I feel like I’m the problem
Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse, bullying
Original Post: October 2, 2025
For the past nine years, I’ve been a part of a very tight-knit friend group: my best friend, her fiancé, and my fiancé. We’ve always done everything together – holidays, birthdays, travelling, board game nights. I even work at the same company as my friend (we met in a different company, she followed me to the new one). We are even planning to buy land and live near each other (not anymore, but they don’t know this yet).
But her fiancé has always mocked me. Things like “wow, what a fat ass”, “you look like shit”, “stupid”. Over the years his comments have made me cry more times than I can count. I’ve brought it up with them many times. My friend has tried to talk some sense into him, and made him apologize a few times, but the conclution is always the same: “that’s just how he is, he jokes and teases everyone, he likes when something interesting is happening”. The thing is, he directs it at me the most, because I’m the “perfect target” – I actually react, unlike my friend who doesn’t care. He makes me feel inadequate in the worst way – I feel so bad in my own skin when I see myself through his eyes.
I’ve tried everything they told me to do. Laugh it off. Ignore it. Pretend it doesn’t hurt. I didn’t want to cause drama. And honestly, I was afraid of losing them – they’re my only close friends.
Two weeks ago, we went on a workation together, and as usual, he wouldn’t let me fully relax and enjoy myself. But this time, I couldn’t swallow it anymore. I was already in a really bad place emotionally and physically – I’m tapering off psych meds that numbed me for over two years. Without them, I feel everything 100x more intensely. His mocking and “jokes” felt like a knife twisted in my heart. On top of that, I had awful nausea, brain zaps, and dizziness every day. Still, I pushed through: I went on the hikes, I cooked dinner, I made breakfast a couple of times. They knew how sick I felt.
But he just kept going as usual. He called me a “loser” because I hesitated to walk too close to the campfire (I was dizzy and afraid I would lose my balance). In the car after a hike, he complained that my friend was the one looking up restaurants “as usual”, not me (even though it’s untrue). I reminded them that I can’t look at my phone in the car without getting sick, and he just said, “yeah, same as the rest of us”. Later, when we got home, all I wanted was to lie down and relax – and he jokingly threw out “you never do anything” because I hadn’t cleaned the pans (from the dinner I had cooked for everyone).
That’s when I snapped. I told him how much his comments hurt me, how invisible I feel, and he barely listened and literally laughed in my face. My friend overheard everything from upstaits, and instead of supporting me, she said it was funny to listen to us “fighting over dirty pans”. But by then it wasn’t about dishes anymore – it was about everything. I raised my voice from sheer frustration, and instead of trying to understand me, they both dismissed me. I felt like I was losing my mind.
I ended up walking outside and crying – really crying – for the first time in years. Only my fiancé followed me out, hugged me, and told me we could just leave. So the next morning, we packed up and went home. They were in shock.
After that, I finally realized how different we really are. I’m naturally sensitive (maybe too much). They’re the opposite. We’re not compatible. I always feel like I have to hide my true emotions so I don’t “ruin” their good mood or fun.
I tried to talk to my friend about it again afterward. She said there was no way she could’ve listened or comfortmed me that night because “I raised my voice”. She hates conflict and “drama”, so when someone shows strong negative emotions, she shuts down.
And she always defends him. Claims he isn’t and will never be an emotional person. She repeats I shouldn’t take his words to heart because he “treats me like a sister”. So the message is always the same: I’m the one who should change. I should ignore him. Toughen up. Stop caring so much. But that’s not who I am.
And honestly… why is he allowed to “just be himself”, but I’m the one who has to change? At this point, I don’t even think we’re real friends anymore. I have started seeing a therapist, but I just feel so tired, sad and confused. I’m still scared of losing them, but maybe that would be a good thing.
EDIT: Wow, I didn’t expect this to get this many responses. Thank you! You have given me comfort and much to think about. To answer some of the reoccurring questions: my fiancé has defended me many times – he called out his behavior, insulted him (but softly), even had a sit-down with him once. But none of this ever had any lasting effect. My fiancé is gentle by nature and doesn’t like confrontation. He often suggested we make a change, but I was always too afraid of losing my friend.
As for why I have been friends with them for so long: it’s not like this all the time. They have many good qualities too. We share a passion for similar things – books, video games, travelling, cycling, trekking. We had a lot of fun together over the years, many good memories. They make me laugh. But almost all of these memories are tainted by moments of hurt, which I have been ignoring for the sake of keeping the peace. But I don’t want to do that anymore.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Your fiancés friend is a bully. Straight up. Even kids know that if you make a joke at someone’s expense and they categorically tell you it hurts them the only acceptable response is an apology. You friend sucks ass too. If my partner did half the shit hers did, I’d be on his ass to either change his behaviour or it’s over. Whether he was acting like that towards a stranger or someone close to me. The fact that she just expects you to put up with it is gross. You’re not being overly sensitive, you’re just at your wits end
OOP: Thank you.
I think she can’t imagine how this makes me feel. And perhaps she is more like him than I realized. Just recently she revealed that she used to say what’s on her mind to people and it didn’t even cross her mind that someone could be hurt by her words. She stopped doing that after a year of therapy, but it’s pretty telling.
Commenter 2: ”Tight-knit friend group”. Nope. True friends would never allow one of them to be bullied or insulted continuously.
Time to block them all and find real friends.
OOP: Deep down I know all of you are right – they are not true friends. And I am going to distance myself from them, but as to finding new friends… that feels impossible. I don’t really know how. I find it hard to connect to people.
Commenter 3: I’m sorry, but these aren’t the actions of friends. That’s gone past the point of playful banter and into just straight up high school bullying.
Friends shouldn’t be making their friends feel like shit. Even if he is just the type of person to playfully rib people (although from your descriptions of what he said, he’s way past the point of playful ribbing), as soon as he found out that it was getting to you he should have stopped.
He’s a piece of shit for treating you like that and your friend isn’t any better. She’s excusing it for the benefit of a quiet life for herself. She’s ok with you being made to feel like shit but isn’t ok with you standing up for yourself?
You don’t need people like that in your life. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You’re not too sensitive, OP, they’re just assholes.
OOP: Thank you, it feels so good to see someone siding with me for a change.
Commenter 4: Also, if it’s just about the dishes, why didn’t they clean up after you cooked? Why is that your problem, when you cooked while feeling bad. And why is it OK for them to make fun of you for making sure you don’t fall INTO THE FIRE, when they know you’re off balance.
Was this trip your idea? With how you’re feeling, I’m surprised you wanted to do that? Just wondered if you were pressured into going, to split costs and do a little of the cooking and cleaning. I hope the trips are generally shared work, but yhe mention of cooking and thrn expecting you to clean made me wonder.
OOP: This trip was planned and paid for months in advance, plus I didn’t know I would be feeling this bad after the withdrawal. My friend and fiancé cook and clean as well so I wanted to do my part too.
Commenter 5: She is not your friend. If I heard my husband once mock a friend or family member that would the last time he would do that. Do yourself a favor and stop being friends with them.
I wonder how he treats her when nobody is around.
OOP: I was thinking about this the other day. If the roles were reversed, I would leave my fiance immediately.
He does mock her often, but as I have mentioned, she doesn’t really mind. And he treats her like a princess most of the time. I am beginning to suspect she likes that he is a “bad boy” that treats her sweetly.
Does the friend’s fiance insult her as well? Not just OOP?
OOP: He actually does insult her a lot. He is rude by nature. They used to fight a lot, but she seems okay with it nowadays.
Commenter 6: How would he react if you spoke to him back this way? Probably like a giant big fucking baby.
OOP: I have tried this strategy too, many times. But my mocking doesn’t affect him in the slightest. And if it transforms into a heated argument – my friend goes quiet, so I often back down to avoiding hurting HER.
Did OOP grow up in a toxic environment because of her tolerance for abuse?
OOP: Yeah, I actually did. My father had anger issues and constantly belittled my mother and brother. He was gentler with me, but I was burned a few times too.
Update: November 3, 2025 (one month later)
Update: I finally ended the draining friendship I wrote about last month
To anyone who might still be curious – this is an update to “My friend’s fiancé has been mocking me for years – I finally snapped and now I feel like I’m the problem”.
I have officially ended things with my friend and her fiancé. I took all your advice to heart, talked to my therapist and did a lot of self reflecting. But the thing that really convinced me to do it was this: I didn’t see them for over a month, barely messaged them, and it was the most peaceful month I had in years. I didn’t miss them at all. I felt calm and alive. I felt… almost happy.
Recently I attended a work team building event – for the first time without my friend – and it was amazing. I never had this much fun on previous events. I talked to people, laughed, socialized. And people wanted to talk to me, too! Two guys said they wished they got to know me sooner. That I am a great person. It was shocking how much at peace I felt when I didn’t have to perform or manage her feelings and worry about her discomfort (she disliked these events and the work people).
Yesterday I told her the truth – that I have been feeling better ever since I have distanced myself from them. She got defensive and hurt, blamed me for saying such a hurtful thing, said goodbye and then blocked me. I feel bad about that, the old guilt and people-pleasing instinct has kicked in, but I know I did the right thing.
I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice in the original post.
Relevant Comments
Commenter: Oh no she understands what hurt feelings are. Good for you. Toxic friends like these suck the fun out of life.
Updateme when her fiancé tries to talk some 💩.
OOP: He actually wanted to come over tomorrow to collect his games, but my fiancé told him he will drop these over at a mutual friend’s place. He would have talked 💩 for sure.
Commenter 2: I would also block her back (everywhere you might have her) so that she can’t control communication with you. And block her partner too. Have your partner block both of them too. And then go on to live your best life without them dragging you down.
Source
It starts small. A remark about her weight. A casual “loser” near a campfire when she hesitates because she’s dizzy. A complaint in the car that she isn’t looking up restaurants. Later, after she cooks dinner, a comment about her never doing anything because the pans aren’t cleaned yet.
Upstairs, her friend listens. Later she says it was funny to hear them fighting over dishes.
The pattern isn’t dramatic. It’s steady. He teases everyone, but she reacts. That reaction makes her visible in a particular way. She tries adjusting her part softening, ignoring, laughing on cue. He doesn’t alter his.
During the workation, escalation is less theatrical than cumulative. She feels nauseous, off-balance, hypersensitive as medication leaves her system. He keeps going. She reminds them she can’t look at her phone in the car. He shrugs it off. She cooks anyway. The pans sit in the sink. He makes the joke. She raises her voice.
No one lowers theirs.
Midway through the conflict, a clearer tension emerges: he is permitted bluntness without scrutiny. When she expresses frustration, that expression becomes the disruption. Her tone is examined. His is treated as fixed.
The friend complicates it. She dislikes conflict. She shuts down when voices rise. She insists he treats the narrator “like a sister.” She has, over time, calibrated herself to him. What registers as hurt to one person may barely register to another. That difference is never fully addressed; it simply sits there.
There is also a passing detail about her childhood a father who belittled. It appears once and isn’t unpacked.
What ultimately shifts the story isn’t the argument itself. It’s the month afterward. No jokes to brace for. No need to measure her reactions. At a work event, she talks freely. People respond easily. Two coworkers say they wish they had known her sooner.
The friendship ends without repair. She feels guilt. She also feels lighter.
And the question of why certain forms of harshness are normalized while others are labeled “too much” doesn’t quite settle.