Featured on @StorylineReddit: November 30, 2025
He stands in front of her closet before they leave. Hangers scrape softly against the rod. Fabric shifts. A crop top is pulled forward and held up without much discussion.
At first glance, it looks almost harmless someone with strong taste offering direction. A nudge toward “better.” But the tension here isn’t really about style. It’s about who gets to decide how a body shows up in public.
She is clear about who she is: casual, neat, conservative, comfortable. He is just as clear in his dissatisfaction. Over time, the gap stops feeling like preference and starts to resemble correction. She buys the dresses he likes. She adjusts. She explains she’s cold, she feels bloated, her family is conservative.
He calls those reasons excuses.
Nothing explodes immediately. It accumulates instead. A sharper tone. A reframed motive. A room that feels smaller than it did five minutes earlier. The disagreement travels quietly from closet to argument to therapy office until the question is no longer about clothing at all.
The conflict begins as a stylistic mismatch and evolves into something more rigid. He was raised around women who treated presentation as ritual, almost performance. She was not. What initially reads as difference becomes friction once he positions his taste as a standard.
She attempts compromise in good faith replacing much of her wardrobe with clothes he prefers. Shorter dresses. Tighter silhouettes. More exposure. The tension does not ease. Instead, resistance becomes the issue. When she declines an outfit because she is cold or because a family setting feels conservative, the refusal triggers anger. Her reasons are recast as insecurity, as close-mindedness.
When she moves out to create space, the dynamic persists in other forms. He dominates their first therapy session. He delays sending his insurance information. He claims he needs solitude to reflect, yet is found hosting other women and shifting explanations when confronted.
What began with clothing extends into decision-making, logistics, and truth itself leaving her increasingly responsible for repair while questioning her own perception.
Text Version
My boyfriend (31M) thinks it’s ok to tell me what to wear (31F) and he doesn’t understand it’s upsetting
CONCLUDED
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/xmzjKakakdkdks
My boyfriend (31M) thinks it’s ok to tell me what to wear (31F) and he doesn’t understand it’s upsetting.
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, objectification
Original Post June 18, 2020
We’ve been together 6 years. Over the past couple years, my clothing has become more and more of an issue.
I’m not a girly girl. I don’t put on a full face of makeup every day. My style is generally more casual. With that said, I am by no means a slob. I almost always have my nails done. I wear a lot of denim in different shades and cuts, fitted leggings, tees, tanks, and sneakers. I have a lot of cute flats too. I’m not much for heels though – just on special occasions.
On an average day, I’ll do a quick simple down hairstyle or sometimes (less often) a ponytail. I’ll usually just do some eyeliner and a tinted moisturizer. If we are going out on the weekend, I’ll do a full face of makeup (the whole shebang).
My boyfriend grew up with a mom and grandma that get dolled up to the 9s just to go to Target. They live for name brands, constantly talk about shopping, and are ALWAYS done up. I did not – my mom ran to the store in jeans and a T-shirt. It was normal. I’ve tried explaining to him that I’m simply not that person, but he doesn’t seem to get it.
He says I’m not fashionable. So, I did my best and ordered an entire closet full of clothing based on things HE likes. My entire closet is now extremely tight, fitted short dresses, short skirts, and almost all crop tops. I’m a conservative dresser. So, wearing this stuff is pretty uncomfortable for me, and not stuff I’d every really buy on my own for myself. Frankly, I don’t want to leave the house every single day with my stomach and belly button showing at 31 years old. I’m not 15. (I’m in good shape but that’s not the point).
He thinks he can pick my outfits. Literally at this point, any time we are heading out, he goes to my closet and picks out my clothes. If I say anything about not wanting to wear something (I.e. – I feel bloated today, really would rather not wear a crop top) he gets immediately upset. There have even been a couple times when it was really cold and I told him I didn’t want to wear shorts and a crop top BECAUSE I WAS COLD – and he got upset saying it wasn’t cold.
He says I always make an excuse not wear stuff he wants me to wear. I guess from his perspective it seems that way, but he doesn’t understand that he wants me to dress in a way that is totally foreign and not natural to me. A while back, I wanted to go to my aunts house for a BBQ and he insisted I wear a VERY tight and short dress. I told him my family is conservative and that it was not appropriate to wear. He flipped out and it turned into a huge argument.
I have tried over and over to explain this to him, but he just keeps saying that how I dress matters to him and that it’s my fault for being closed minded, for not listening to him, and that I have a confidence issue. I don’t know what to do. I have also tried telling him that he’s hurting my feelings and making me feel unattractive. Any suggestions?
TL;dr Boyfriend wants to tell me what to wear and I don’t know how to deal with it.
TOP COMMENTS
StarStriker3
Jesus, this is insanely weird and controlling behavior. You’re not a Barbie doll, he doesn’t get to pick your outfits for you. Please tell him in no uncertain terms that he is not allowed to pick your clothes and that you are going to wear what you like and what makes you feel comfortable and if he doesn’t like it, he can shove it or leave.
ETA this sort of thing will only get worse the longer you put up with it and he seems to be testing how much you will let him control your life or if you’ll put your foot down. I’d leave him if I were you.
~
blackandwhitepaint
You deal with it by leaving a controlling asshole. This shit is abusive behavior. He is a big boy; he understands your words. He knows how you feel. He does not care. Because he does not love you. He just wants to own you.
OOP added in the comments
I guess I always tell myself “maybe it’s me…maybe other guys do this too?” At times I feel so confused that I can’t tell whether what’s happening is really a problem, or whether I’m just overreacting. This thread is…a wake up call.
Update – rareddit June 28, 2020 (10 days later)
After continued arguing, I finally moved out of the apartment about a week ago because we decided that we needed space. He begged me to move back, but I said no. I agreed to do couples therapy along with my individual therapy. My therapist told me it would be normal to go back and forth and even repeatedly think about going back to him because of the psychological impact of everything I’ve dealt with for 6 years. She said to just keep working on it, and not feel the need to make a final decision before I’m emotionally ready. The first couples session we did was a disaster with him screaming the entire time and the therapist implying as much as she could that this was REALLY nearly impossible. We then decided to look for another therapist to continue “trying.”
All week, I’ve been calling/emailing different therapists trying to get an appointment. I finally found one with an open spot and asked my fiancé to send his insurance card. Of course, because it’s now beyond clear that he doesn’t give a crap, he delayed sending it to me for 2 days. Never once asked if he could help, or if I needed any help finding someone. Per usual, it’s all on me.
I was having a lot of emotional turmoil, obsessive thoughts, back and forth and asked him if he wanted to do something together tonight just to talk about what we are doing and where this is going. He told me he “really needed space to think on our relationship and meditate on it.” I was upset, but I said fine. About an hour later, he accidentally dialed me. I picked up saying “hello,” and just heard mumbling in the background. As I waited, thinking he called me to talk, I heard him and a woman’s voice. The phone then hung up.
I called back asking what that was all about. He seemed confused and said he was at his mom’s house. Impossible – because I had just spoken to his mom a few minutes ago. I called him out, and he said “ok, my aunt stopped by the apartment.” Again – makes no sense and totally contradicts what he said 2 second before. He then said “Ok, fine, I admit it – I invited xyz over. Let’s talk about it later” He then hung up.
Now, for the past 2 months, a female coworker of his has been calling him nonstop to ask for help with work stuff. It was always a little suspicious to me because he’s only been at that office for a few months and this girl has worked there for years. Why does she need to come to him specifically, with every single question? He is not a supervisor or in any managerial role. She’s also called him a few times to ask for relationship advice and mention how she “likes bad boys.” Why? Does she not have other friends, cousins, brothers, sisters? She has to call my fiancé? Anyways, I just gave it the benefit of the doubt. But he would light up any time she came up in conversation and refer to her as his “work girlfriend.” At the same time, he had a couple female friends from his last job. In the past, I saw some flirty texts but he insisted the two ladies were a lesbian couple and they were just friends. I didn’t like it and told him it made me uncomfortable.
After he got caught, he insisted its the lesbian couple over at our apartment, having dinner with him – that he paid for – while I’ve been sitting at my mom’s house for 2 weeks agonizing about this relationship, trying to set up therapy, and feeling guilty for hurting him. Meanwhile he needs “time to himself” to “reflect on the relationship” aka hang out with two women who he knows I have a problem with due to past texts.
I say all that long drawn out crap to say this – that is the last straw. All the screaming at me, yelling, gas lighting, manipulation, temper tantrums, punching walls, constant need for validation, minimizing, and abuse I’ve endured was topped off by this. I honestly don’t know that he hasn’t cheated on me with the coworker either. I am done. I am so done. I only need a date when I can go by and move all of my stuff out. Never again.
tl;dr I am ending my relationship with my manipulative, narcissistic fiancé.
FINAL COMMENTS
Francesca_N_Furter
He didn’t call you by accident, he was trying to make you jealous.
stephmuffin
That was my thought. He didn’t “accidentally” call when another woman was speaking. If he was really cheating, he’d work a hell of a lot harder to cover his tracks. He wanted to hurt her and rub it in.
OOP
I definitely consider this a possibility, which makes it even sicker than it being an accident. Who knows.
The funny thing is that I know any conversation about this will be about how I’m “controlling” and not letting him have female friends (bc I don’t think these women are interested in friendship). I now know he’s projecting, manipulating and gaslighting.
~
Chris33133
” I only need a date when I can go by and move all of my stuff out …” When you go, take one or more friends with you to help. That will move things along quickly and help keep him under control.
OOP
I plan to go when he isn’t home. Hopefully, fingers crossed, there will be an opportunity tomorrow as he almost always has dinner plans with his mom on Sundays. My mom and sister will be going with me to speed up the process.
Source
He goes to the closet before they leave. He doesn’t pause at the doorway. He doesn’t ask what she feels like wearing that day. He pulls out something fitted. If she hesitates, he stiffens. If she says she’s cold, he says it isn’t cold.
For a while, that’s all it is: friction over fabric.
She tries to meet him halfway. An entire wardrobe shift. Pieces she would never have chosen alone. The hems shorten, the cuts narrow. She steps outside feeling exposed in ways she doesn’t quite name. The compromise doesn’t calm anything; it seems to formalize the expectation. Now there is a version of her that must be maintained.
From his vantage point, appearance may signal pride, alignment, cohesion. He watched women in his life dress up for ordinary errands. That image likely feels normal, even admirable. If he believes he is elevating her, then resistance reads as rejection not of an outfit, but of him.
The shift comes midstream, almost quietly: her discomfort is reframed as flaw. Closed-minded. Unconfident. Making excuses. Once that language settles in, each boundary she sets can be recast as failure. The pattern doesn’t need to be loud to be effective.
Then the escalation jolts. Therapy. He screams through the session. The therapist implies the odds are thin. Days pass while she chases insurance details he could send in seconds. He says he needs space to meditate on the relationship. An hour later, a phone call connects by accident muffled voices, another woman, a hang-up, explanations changing in real time.
He says one thing. Then another.
She organizes therapists. She initiates talks. She wonders if she is overreacting. He delays, contradicts, pivots. The labor tilts in one direction.
By the end, she is done at least practically. She plans to retrieve her belongings while he is out to dinner with his mother. Her own mother and sister will help carry the boxes.
The dresses remain in the closet.
And somewhere between preference and permission, a line had been crossed though even now, it isn’t entirely clear when.